Raise Your Head, Taste the Courage

F

Fritten

Guest
Original poster
Today had been a long, long goddamn day he thought to himself as they pulled into the parking lot of the motel they'd all agreed upon to stay in for the evening. There really wasn't much to fuss over really, it was the only one that they could afford that didn't mean they would all have to share one room and play rock, paper, scissors to see who would get to share the bed while everyone else got creative. That was what happened the last time, Matt had decided that there was absolutely no sort of strategy to the game and Johnny was convinced that his scissors could take rock any day. Not that it mattered much, out of all of them… he was the only one small enough to be able to sleep comfortably in the bathtub anyway.

This time, thanks to ridiculously cheap food and a skipped meal here here and there they managed to have enough cash to be able to afford two rooms. Wasn't that wild? Two rooms with two beds each, so only one person would have to double up. Matt can't recall the last time that he'd not had to share a bed with anybody, so needless to say he was looking foreword to it. Clambering out of the the van, he unloaded his bag and tossed it over his shoulder and heads in to check them all in - leaving the others to contend with Jimmy who was more energetic than normal. The drummer had been cooped up a little too long and no doubt was the human version of the little metal ball that was inside the pinball machines. Bouncing back and forth with no rhyme or reason to it, eager to do something… anything other than to drive another mile.

Once he'd gotten their room keys, Matt headed over towards Zack and Johnny who were both leaning against the van.

"Whatcha think Matt?" he asked as the singer approached, "Me, Jimmy and Johnny are gonna go get a couple of drinks and see where the night takes us. You game?"

Matt shakes his head and hands over one of the keys to the guitarist, which has the room number listed on it, "Nah I appreciate the offer dude, but really… I just wanna fuckin' relax and chill out and not have to deal with anybody you know?"

"You sure?" he asks with a smirk on his face, "Maybe we'll get lucky and get to have drawing time again."

A loud cackle is heard from the back of the van, "I'm so sad I didn't get to see my masterpiece in it's full glory!"

"Dude, you're just lucky he didn't wake up!" Matt laughed at the memory from their bar hopping adventure in the last city. There was another patron in the bar that had cut himself off in the way of passing out stone cold on the bar. The man had a shaved head, that according to Jimmy was just begging for some attention. Where he'd gotten a hold of a thick sharpie marker, Matt would never know and sometimes with the drummer it was best not to ask, but he preceded to draw on the sleeping man's head. If it was inappropriate on the desk of a high school kid, it was most definitely on his canvas. Jimmy was an artist after all.

"Why? I just wanted to be able to tell him how pretty he looked Matt, everyone deserves that." Jimmy poked his head around with a wide grin on his face and snickering.

In his defense, even if the man had woken up before they'd left there was no guarantee that he'd have any idea what had been done, or who had done it too him. And he was obviously too drunk to notice… so he supposed it was no harm no foul… but it was funny, that was for sure.

Turning his attention back to Zack, he shifted his bag on his shoulder before replying. "But yea, I'm sure Zack. I just wanna relax, just exist…"

"And play more Legend of Zelda." the guitarist finished.

"That was a given." Matt said with a snort and clasps a hand onto his shoulder. "Have fun, don't stay out too late… keep an eye on Johnny, he's so small someone might kidnap him."

"But they'd just bring me back for annoying the shit out of them." the bassist supplied.

"Touche." Matt says before giving the guys a wave and heads towards his room for the evening.

Unlocking the door, he flips on the light and walks over to the bed towards the back of the room. He drops his black duffel bag on the edge, rifling through it until he finds what he's looking for. The small game boy color along with it's charger. There was no point in grabbing the pack of games since the cartridge he'd been obsessing over was already in the tiny console. Matt then picks up his bag and drops it on the floor, moves over towards the table in the center of the two beds and plugs in the charger in. He wasn't quite in need of it yet, but as much playing as he was anticipating on doing this evening he was likely going to need it. He kicks his shoes off haphazardly before making himself comfortable on the bed, fluffing up the pillows behind him and getting comfortable.

The boys were going to have to rock/paper/scissors and see who was going to be sharing. As far as he was concerned, he was staying in and taking advantage of the creature comforts this bed offered. Hopefully without the creatures he thought briefly before turning on the hand held system. The 8-bit music filled the silence of the room, and Matt only found himself briefly distracted as he heard the sound of the door opening and closing. Lifting his head, he sets his eyes on Brian who had just set his gear down and for some reason didn't seem to be in any particular hurry to head back out to go drinking.

"Hey dude," Matt says in greeting. "You heading back out with them then?"
 
Tour life was insane.

Brian had figured that out the first time all of the boys had piled into the van together, heading off to go knows where. It was a wild ride for sure, and if someone had told Brian that he would be touring around the country with his best friends a few years ago, he would have flat out laughed. The chances of something like that happening were so slim after all, so why would it happen to Brian, of all people?

But it had.

Right now, Brian found himself in front of a relatively decent hotel, unloading his stuff from the van while the other guys were caught up in conversation with each other. The band and Val had managed to scrape up enough money to afford separate rooms this time, and if Brian was being honest with himself, he felt absolutely amazing. It had been a while since the young guitarist had had a decent shower, let alone slept somewhere that resembled a normal bed, because usually, the way the guys ended up making arrangements, Brian had to be okay with sleeping on the floor or some sofa. It was a good day, that much Brian was sure of. Of course, they still had to share rooms, but from what Brian had gathered, they had four double bedrooms, and two guys each would share. It was still a mystery to Brian who his roommate for the night was, but the guitarist had no problems with surprises. All of the guys were like his brothers, after all.

Finally gathering all of his belongings, Brian threw his backpack over his shoulder and casually made his way towards Jimmy, Zacky and Johnny. Turning his head, Brian could see Matt walking towards the hotel, his mind seemingly on one of his games already, and reaching into his pocket to take out a cigarette, Brian had to grin at Jimmy bumping his shoulder.

"Gates, we're off to go bar hopping, and it's your duty to come with me, because you're my best friend."

Jimmy seemed to be a ball of energy, even more than every other day it seemed, and Brian almost felt a little guilty as he took a drag from his cigarette and shook his head. Usually, Brian was all game for going out and doing whatever crazy stuff The Rev had in mind, but for some reason, the only thing Brian really yearned for tonight was a shower and some decent sleep. On top of that, Brian had had the same riff idea stuck in his head ever since they had left the last gas station, and if the young male wouldn't work on it now, he'd forget it by the time him and the rest of the boys would reach the first pub.

"No, not tonight. No offense, Jimmy, but I have this riff idea stuck in my head, and if I don't get it the fuck out now, I'll forget it. Which would be a shame, considering it could be a great song."

"Oh, come on, Brian! Of all the times you get inspiration, it has to be now?!"

Glancing over at Zacky, Brian couldn't help but chuckle and shrug at the other male's protest. Of course, they'd moan about Brian not tagging along, but Brian not coming was a very rare occasion to begin with, and glancing at Jimmy, Brian was glad to see his best friend's understanding smile. They would be fine without him.

"I get that... yeah, when muse strikes, you gotta chase it, dude. But if you change your mind, ring me. Just not the same without you, Bri."

"Thank you, Jimmy. I will, don't worry, but don't get your hopes up. Take care of Gnomeo, alright, guys?"

With the other guys laughing at Brian's comment about Johnny's height, Brian finished his cigarette in three quick drags and made his way towards the hotel, Johnny's voice still screaming slurs after the young guitar player. It was fun to tease Johnny, and even though Brian knew they all tormented the kid a bit too much maybe, it was still one of the funniest things to do, at least in his opinion. The bassist was just too damn easy to rile up.

Rounding the corner to the entrance of the hotel, Brian fished out the key Val had handed him earlier for the first time since the band's arrival, and glancing at the number, Brian made his way up one flight of stairs and towards the room chosen for him. After searching for a little while, Brian finally made his way to room number ten. Swiftly unlocking the door, Brian stepped inside – and was greeted by Matt sitting on the bed, his little Gameboy in hand, and the music to what only could be 'The Legend of Zelda' filling the otherwise silent hotel room.

"Hey, Sanders."

The other male looked up from his game for only a brief second while Brian casually made his way inside and dropped off his belongings on the sofa in the room. Matt's deep voice asking Brian if he wasn't game to go out with the others distracted Brian from the rather tasteless decor of the room momentarily, and shaking his head, he gave Matt a soft smile.

"Nope, not going anywhere. Which means you'll be stuck with me for the whole damn night. But fear not, M, I won't distract you from your game. Have some riff I want to work on. Mind if I use the shower first?"

Matt didn't seem particularly bothered by Brian wanting to use the bathroom, and shrugging when their lead singer's attention fell back on his game, Brian grabbed a few things from his backpack before heading into the bathroom to take a quick shower. To the guitarist's surprise, the room was cleaner than he would have expected, and after slipping into some sweat pants and a worn-out hoodie, Brian emerged from the bathroom, feeling like a new born baby. Not being able to shower regularly was probably the worst thing about touring, so every chance Brian got to rinse off the sweat and grime, he naturally took.

"I bit the bullet, and guess what? Bathroom is actually cleaner than I thought. Before we sleep, you should make use of the shower, too. Just a suggestion. Who knows when we'll be able to shower next time?"

Running a hand through his still wet hair, Brian shot Matt a grin before he let himself sit down on the small sofa in the corner of the room and grabbed his guitar. Brian usually wasn't too keen on writing on the road, but his creativity had hit him sideways earlier. He needed to get the riff idea out, and after Brian's little set up of an amp, his guitar and headphones - to not distract Matt - was done, the young male completely zoned out as he let his eyes flutter closed and his fingers do their magic. Here and there, Brian scribbled something down in his trusty little notebook he always carried, but other than that, the young male was completely gone, lost in a world he loved the most; music.

Here and there, Brian let his eyes wander across the room to look at Matt, and the other male seemed anything but bothered by Brian's sudden creative outburst. For some reason, Matt's company seemed to root Brian to the spot, ground him, and it made writing so much easier. Brian wondered where the sudden calmness he felt came from. Was it because he had taken a shower and felt relaxed in general? Or was it really because of Matt keeping him company?

Whatever it was, Brian knew one thing. He was determined to find out the answer to all of his questions.
 
Brian didn't want to go out with the others? That was surprising, Matt found himself thinking. Had he not followed it up with the fact that he'd been agonizing over a guitar riff he might have thought the other man had a fever. Or at least something else was off. If there was ever one member of the band that skipped out on going out, it was usually him. The one thing he wasn't surprised about, was the fact that Brian had asked if he minded him commandeering the shower. He wouldn't go so far as to say that he was particularly fastidious about his showering habits, okay maybe he would… but the wasn't anything wrong with it. Showering was something he'd planned on doing soon, maybe as soon as his system hit a red light and he could put it on the charger for a while. But Brian? He needed to wash the stink of the van and sardine canned human bodies off of himself as fast as humanly possible it would seem.

He soon hears the sound of the shower running, and before long pauses his game to grab clean clothes out of his bag from the floor. Matt reaches in and grabs a pair of black cotton pants and an old Metallica t-shirt before dropping them at the foot of the bed. Would probably be more comfortable than the jeans he was currently wearing. Settling back against the headboard, he picks up his game again and fully immerses himself in the world of Hyrule.

Before long, the guitarist re-emerges from the bathroom showered and looking rather pleased with himself as he suggested that his friend do the same.

"What, you saying I smell Gates?" the question came with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

He wasn't saying that exactly, maybe… he could have been honestly. Matt laughed inwardly. There was a certain aroma that came with too much human contact it was true, he couldn't smell himself… not that it was an exact indicator of whether or not he needed a shower. He at least wore deodorant, that was something in comparison to some of the other musicians he'd smelled on tour.

Oh god, that thought made him wrinkle his nose just at the thought of it. Different train of thought Shadows, please.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Brian setting up his gear and going out of his way to make sure he was able to work and also not disturb the peace. Which while appreciated, Matt wouldn't have minded so much to listen to the sounds of his friend playing versus the video game soundtrack. Sure, it was good… as good as all 8-bit soundtracks are, but there was something about the sound of an electric guitar. The fact that he was wearing headphones was probably more for his own benefit than Matt's really, he could shut out any outside distractions and just focus on the task at hand. Which was the kind of focus you had to have when attempting to write on the road. There was no way he was going to be getting anything done while they were actually traveling.

It was the same when he tried to write, now that Matt thought about it. Especially lyrics, which he supposed to the average person seemed funny. As a singer, you'd think that writing songs would be easy. He would beg to differ. Matt was a singer, this was true but that was the only truth to that statement. Sure, some songs came easier than others… but it wasn't as if he thought long and hard enough their next single would just come to him like an overconfident fortune teller.

Lifting his head from the game for a moment, Matt finds himself stealing a glance at Brian as he is completely in his element. He'd not wanted to go out tonight because he wanted to just relax and not spend time around other people… but really the other man in the room with him didn't count. He felt alleviated by his presence and he didn't doubt for a moment it was probably because Brian was one of his best friends. Right? That was all it was. He'd feel the same way if it was any of the other guys… or Val…

No, no that wasn't quite right either was it?

His tongue darts out of his mouth for a moment, flipping his lip ring back and forth before returning his focus to the game in hand. Matt isn't entirely sure why his brain suddenly decided to question the reason he felt comforted by Brian's presence. Who knows where thoughts come from… good god would you just focus on your game already?

Approximately an hour goes by in silence, minus the random outburst that come from Matt's corner of the room because if you're not yelling at the motherfucking sprites trying to attack you are you really playing? Curious to see how things were going, he speaks up unsure if the other man will be able to hear him or not through the headphones but it was at least worth an ask.

"Making heads or tails of your riff over there?"

He turns his head to look over at the guitarist after a moment to see if he registered the fact that he'd been spoken to. If not, he'd not bug him too much. Matt wasn't going to get in the way of a creative spark. He'd just get his ass up and take a shower and get that part over with, actually… yea… that sounded amazing… hot water was a luxury he wished they could afford.

He also wished they could afford a tour bus too, but beggars couldn't be choosers.
 
Brian was completely lost in his own little music world, the notes and strings of melody taking up his focus as he kept playing the particular riff stuck in his head over and over and over again. It was starting to come together quite nicely, and letting go of his guitar for a moment, Brian cracked his knuckles. Writing on the road was usually something he never ever did, but it flowed so easily right now that it almost scared Brian.

Glancing over at Matt, Brian could see the other male looking right back at him, and it didn't take long for Matt to pose his question, catching Brian off guard just a tiny bit. Had the other male been watching him play? The thought wasn't too absurd, given the fact that Brian was right there, just playing out in the open, but the guitarist had expected Matt to be more focused on his game than Brian, of all things. Putting his headphones aside, Brian nodded softly, his eyes catching Matt's for a few seconds before Brian looked at his knuckles again.

"Yeah... it's coming together pretty nicely. I didn't expect it to be this easy... to write this. But it just flows really naturally. Have you been watching me?"

Glancing back up at the singer, Brian felt a tad uneasy all of a sudden. Sure, Matt had asked him early on if he had experience writing, even hinting at the fact that he knew Brian had written lots of things for Pinkly Smooth. Pinkly Smooth had been Brian and Jimmy's old band, a crazy project which was highly influenced by Mr. Bungle and Oingo Boingo, and Brian had always found it incredibly easy to write for that specific band. Him and Jimmy had had no set rules, just played what they thought was good and the experience in that band had taught Brian a lot about envisioning and songwriting for sure.

Joining Avenged Sevenfold had been an entirely different animal to tackle, however. Matt and Zacky had had a vision from the start, and Brian didn't dare try and be a know it all or faulter with what Zacky and Matt had in mind. They had founded Avenged after all, so all Brian had done up until this point was stay humble and write parts that fit the songs Matt and Zacky had pieced together. "Waking the Fallen" had allowed Brian to be a bit more experimental with his playing, but it was far from what he could do. The band had more potential that screaming over power chords, Brian knew that, but a part of him was just too scared to tell Matt what he really thought.

Maybe Brian would muster up the courage one of these days.

"I have a bunch of ideas for the new record, and for some reason, they hit me on the road a lot these days. Unusual for sure, but the things we see really inspire me. Did you like what I played so far?"

Brian downright just assumed that Matt had hear his riff, and unplugging his headphones from the amp, Brian put them aside before playing the riff yet again. Brian seemingly had Matt's full attention now, and after playing it for a few times, Brian stilled his movements, eager to see what Matt thought of what he had just heard. Brian usually wasn't the type to enjoy getting much input when he was toying with ideas, he simply didn't like having something judged that wasn't even a full song yet, let alone get someone's advice on what he should play or not.

It seemed to be different with Matt, thought.

The other male had done nothing but praise Brian's playing up until this point, and Brian felt like he could share his work with Matt, never mind if it was just a quick demo or an idea that flew at him. Matt didn't seem like the type of person to judge Brian, and glancing at their lead singer, Brian shot Matt a soft smile.

"Zacky mentioned that you have been toying with the idea of not screaming on the next record anymore… or at least, very little. Is that true? Or were you simply discussing stuff with him? Don't want to sound nosy, I was just curious."

Reaching down to grab his water bottle, Brian took a large sip as he waited for Matt to answer. Maybe throwing that many questions at Matt hadn't been his best idea, but for some reason, Brian just wanted to talk to Matt. He wanted to figure him out, hear what the other male had to say, and it excited Brian to get Matt's perspective on not only his songs, but music in general. Sanders was a smart guy after all, and there was just something enchanting about the other male Brian couldn't quite place.

Maybe being stuck in this room with Matt for one evening was a better call than what Brain could have hoped for.
 
It would seem he had fortuitous timing because nearly as soon as he's posed the question, Brian is looking up from his guitar and directly at him. The unease that the other man felt at the idea that Matt had been in fact watching him, even for a few moments goes unnoticed by singer. They were in a band together, so it was only natural that he'd be curious that Brian was attempting to write. Which, from the sounds of it was going much better than he'd anticipated.

"That's awesome dude," he finally says with a smile. "I love it when shit just flows easy like that."

When he sets his headphones aside, Matt briefly turns his attention back to the gaming system in his hands long enough to save his current progress and sets it down on the bed. If they were going to talk shop, the least he could do was at least put the distraction down so he'd have nothing to drive him to distraction.

"I don't know that I'd say I was watching you," he admits. "I looked up with interest if that makes you feel better."

Matt doesn't want to make his friend feel as though he was being stared at, that in itself would be awkward. But he was really glad that he was finding ideas and inspiration to write. He had asked the other man what sort of experiences he'd had writing back when he'd joined the band, and like Jimmy his response was humble. They'd both written for their band Pinkly Smooth, which was influenced by different bands, but he was always more than open to different ideas. As far as Matt was concerned, Avenged played what Avenged liked. They weren't trying to pigeon hole themselves in a particular corner, taking influence only from metal artists. When he and Zack had started the band, sure they'd had a vision of what they wanted but that didn't mean excluding the ideas from anyone else.

"Glad to hear that you're inspired dude." Matt says with a soft laugh as Brian asks if he liked what he heard, "I wasn't getting the full effect you know since you had the ear gear on, you were shredding in silence man."

Moments later Brian removed the headphone jack and started playing. He played the riff in succession a few times, enough for Matt to get the basic idea of the melody and he found himself vocalizing along with it; matching the pitch. "You should definitely keep working on that, it sounds great!" And he really felt that way, not one to just say he liked something for the sake of the ego involved. Nor was he one to judge, as this band was something that they were both invested in. That's generally how he was, but especially not with Brian.

At the change of subject, Matt shifted his position and crossed one leg over the other as they talked. He wasn't surprised in the least that Zack had mentioned that he'd been thinking about changing things up a bit. To date, neither of their records sounded alike. They just kept evolving and changing which in the grand scheme of things probably wasn't a bad idea. "I confess, yea that's true." he says with a soft expression on his face. "I've thought pretty seriously about it, and he seemed to think it was a good idea."

The idea of singing on the entire record with having screaming mixed in was something that Matt was definitely excited about. It wasn't as if he didn't like the direction that their most recent album had taken where it was half and half. But again, he wanted to branch out. There were so many good bands out there that were solely screaming, and that was great... it just wasn't the direction that he wanted to go. At some point he intended to bring it up with the rest of the guys, Matt wasn't the kind of frontman that was going to do whatever he wanted fuck the consequences. Everyone's opinion mattered, what was best for the band as a whole was what he wanted.

"I can get Jimmy and Johnny's opinion on it later but... honestly... what do you think?" Matt asks with a curious tone to his voice. Brian was a smart guy, not to mention the fact that music was in his blood passed down from his father whom the group affectionately called Papa Gates. There had been a joke between the group that Brian had probably just walked out of the womb knowing how to play guitar. If that spoke to the volumes of how talented the man really was.

"Like... you think it's a good move? I mean, I can sing on key so that's important." the singer laughs, the smile that crosses his face wide enough that his dimples were showing.
 
Brian felt something in the pit of his stomach that he just couldn't place when Matt flashed that dimpled smile towards him. Maybe it was due to the other male being so open and welcoming to all of Brian's questions, or maybe it was because Brian felt nothing but adoration for Matt in this very moment. Whatever it was, Brian didn't mind the feeling as he returned the grin Matt so generously had to offer. They got along well, better than Brian would have expected, and letting his gaze settle on Matt, Brian put his guitar aside.

The question the singer had asked Brian was a pretty significant one. Should Matt stop screaming for good? Brian wasn't sure. He loved the sound of 'Waking the Fallen', and they had gotten an extremely hardcore fanbase because of that album. The truth of the matter was, however, that Matt did barely sing and mostly scream over the tracks. That alone left the band a little bit limited when it came to what sort of music to write, because screaming over a ballad? That wasn't going to happen. It all really boiled down to what Matt wanted to do, because his voice was his instrument, and Brian would never force anything on the lead singer.

However, Matt had asked for Brian's input, and the guitarist was burning to finally answer the question Matt had so generously posed.

"I think... yeah. I really, honestly think you should scream less. It's not that I don't like the way it sounds, because fuck, I do, but I feel like we're limiting ourselves. Your singing voice is amazing, Matt, and we should take advantage of that a bit more. Go into another direction. It would be cool."

Looking over at the buff male still sitting on the bed, Brian was a bit taken aback by the fact that Matt had put his game aside and now seemingly had all of his attention on Brian. Smiling, Brian scratched the back of his neck somewhat awkwardly, unsure of what exactly Matt wanted to hear from him. The truth was always the best option in Brian's mind though, so that was probably a good starting point. Matt wanted to hear his opinion, unfiltered and real, and Brian was more than happy to oblige.

"Back in the day, when you asked me if I wrote songs, I was a bit shocked, you know? I didn't really consider ever coming into this band as a writer too, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made to me. I'm glad that you want to hear my opinion for what it's worth."

Reaching down to take a sip of his bottle of water, Brian thought for a moment. He had wanted to have this very conversation with Matt for a while now, but now, that he had the singer where Brian wanted him to be, words didn't seem to come so easily to Brian anymore. The young guitarist blamed it on Matt being a rather intimidating person to make suggestions to or criticize, and swallowing his water, Brian let himself relax into the chair a bit more.

It was only Matt. He wouldn't rip Brian's head off if he had something to say about their music.

They all wanted to write the best quality songs that they could after all, and Matt had specifically asked for Brian's input. If that was only because the rest of the band was out and getting plastered Brian didn't know, but he still wanted to take full advantage of what could be a very promising creative get together with Matt.

"I honestly think we should try and go into a bit of a different direction with the next record. Not only with less screaming in the songs, but with more advanced guitar work. I don't want to make Zacky have a heart attack by any means, but I was thinking of some more dueling parts and some fast as fuck solos and stuff… what do you think?"

Putting his guitar aside for good, Brian stretched. He had written a pretty decent riff in the short time he had worked on what could turn into a good song, and his body was starting to feel heavy – a clear sign for the young male to get some rest. As much of a good time as touring really was, Brian needed some actual sleep at some point, and lying down on the bed Matt currently occupied seemed like an amazing idea.

"You don't mind if we share the bed, right? Or do you want me to bunk on the sofa? It's cool either way, just don't want to get in your space too much, you know?"

Cracking his knuckled, Brian shot Matt a soft smile before glancing at his watch. It was only a little past 9PM, and that meant that neither him or Matt would sleep anytime soon, even though both of them would probably like to. Brian was almost on the fence about still calling Jimmy up for a split second, but the thought left Brian's brain as soon as he spotted the mini bar right underneath the TV. So, he had alcohol and was in good company? Seemed like a damn good plan to Brian.

"Uhm, not sure if you're up for it, but we could open a bottle of whatever the fuck is in that fridge and kick back if you want? Maybe watch a movie and just talk? But you need to shower first. What do you think, Sanders?"
 
He appreciates the fact that Brian takes a moment to mull over the question at hand. Not to say that Matt had expected him to just agree with whatever he decided to do without question, but he wanted an honest opinion. That was something that he'd come to expect from the other man. And he was not to be disappointed. Brian agreed, and was of the same mind that he should sing more and scream less. Sure, they had gained a generous portiion of fans from the hardcore scene and he was proud of 'Waking the Fallen' he really was, the idea of moving away from screaming to singing was not to spit on that record at all but it just... it just wasn't what he wanted to see himself doing forever.

Matt bows his head unconsciously as the other man praises his singing voice. It was something he loved to do, and without sounding like he was tooting his own horn so to speak he thought he was pretty good at it too. Not in the same caliber as others sure, but he was fairly modest in terms of skill. "Thanks Brian, shit... I was hoping you were going to say that." He laughs lightly. "I feel the exactly the same way, like... cause I do like the way it sounds, but I don't want to sound too much like all of my favorite bands you know? Like, I want to sound like us... I want someone to hear us on the radio and be like, oh... yea that's Avenged Sevenfold you know?"

As Brian lifts his hand to rub the back of his neck, Matt does similar only he runs his fingers through the hair on the back of his neck instead. He's not quite sure why, but he feels somehow that the fact that he'd considered his friend's opinion on the matter made the other man slightly awkward. He could be misreading him completely, but the fact that he'd readily admitted that he'd been shocked about even being asked if he'd consider writing songs for the band led him to believe he might not have been entirely wrong.

"Of course dude," Matt says dropping his hand into his lap, "You're as much a part of this band as me, or Zack or Jimmy... I guess we can include Johnny too. " He smirks for a moment, "But in all seriousness your opinion doesn't matter any less, we've all got a vote as far as I'm concerned. Which is exactly why I asked for your opinion."

That seemed to open up the line of conversation more, and Brian for that matter at least from a creative standpoint. He suggested the idea of further expanding on the change in direction for the next record with adding in more advanced guitar work and that instantly had Matt's interest piqued. Brian could absolutely shred the fuck out of a guitar, and bringing back some old school metal guitar solos? Fuck yes. Dueling guitars? Hell fucking yes.

"That would be fucking ace!" Matt exclaimed with the sort of excitement you might expect to see from a kid in a candy store. "Yes! Dude! I love that direction, you and Zack can tear that shit up!" He shifts on the bed, kicking his legs off the side and sitting on the edge happening to notice that Brian was putting his guitar away and assumed that he was done working for the evening. Which was fair, all work and no play just made Brian... well he was anything but a dull boy that was for damn sure. Maybe it would just lead him to getting his fingers tied up in the strings, who knew?

When he hears the question posed about sharing the large bed he was sitting on, Matt makes a face at Brian and in an obviously sarcastic tone replied, "Of course I mind, god Brian I would much rather you get a back ache sleeping on that thing posing as a comfortable sofa."

Feeling the urge to stretch himself, Matt leans back slightly outstretching his arms - feeling, and hearing a loud pop of his back as he does so. All the while Brian is checking out the mini bar that was in the corner that he himself had honestly not even noticed upon coming in. "Oooh, er... yea that sounds like a plan." Matt manages to say mid stretch as he stands up. "And I can take a hint Gates, jesus. I ought to go over there and rub my fuckin' armpit on your head on principal... "

Matt walks around the bed grabbing his clothes before heading into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He didn't smell that bad did he? The singer wondered now that he was ensconced in the small bathroom by himself. Pulling his shirt over his head and drops it on the sink, a quick check revealed to him that he was so used to the smell of being in the van sandwiched in between everyone else that he didn't really notice. The verdict he came to was no, he didn't smell that bad. And again, at least he always remembered deodorant.

After a quick shower, and an impressive solo if he did say so himself, Matt was damp and clean. He slipped into his cotton pants and took pause when he noticed that he just so happened to be missing the shirt that he'd set out. No big, he must have left it on the bed. Opening the door, he stepped out into the room once more after hanging the towel up to dry and brought out his dirty clothes to stuff them in a different area of his bag. The air in the room felt cool against his chest, and Matt noticed the Metallica tee on the floor at the foot of the bed. He reaches over to grab it and turns to look over towards Brian.

"If there's not anything good on, could always just put on a shit movie and make fun of it. Did you scroll through the channels yet?"
 
Brian couldn't help but laugh at Matt uttering that he had to take the sofa in the most sarcastic tone the lead singer could muster. Had the question Brian posed really been that otherworldly? Brian just didn't want to get too close and make things awkward, it was as easy as that. Of course, Matt wasn't the type of person to mind sleeping next to anyone in the band for that matter, and given the fact that all of the guys were usually squished in a van together sort of explained to Brian why his question had probably been a little bit weird. Of course, Matt wouldn't mind.

Brian just needed to get a hold of himself.

"Right, I take the right side of the bed, then. The left side is usually cursed."

Stretching, Brian couldn't help but grin when Matt finally surrendered and decided he'd take a shower. It wasn't like the lead singer smelled bad, not by any means, but Brian just loved to poke fun at Matt and the rest of the guys any time he could. It was top notch entertainment, and although the other band members were usually way too easy to rile up, fucking with Matt always proved to be a bit dangerous. Brian had seen Matt take out more than one man in his life so far, and just the memory of how Matt knocked out two guys at once made Brian remember to be careful when throwing his sarcastic remarks towards their lead singer.

Brian valued his face, especially his teeth. There was no need to put any of that on the line.

"Not saying you smell at all! Just don't want you to miss an opportunity to shower is all, dude."

It was the truth, and as Matt grabbed his clothes, Brian could see Matt had a small smirk on his face. The fucker knew Brian was kidding after all, and grinning at the lead singer, Brian put his guitar in his case for now and made his way over to the small bar by the nightstand. Matt agreeing to watch some dumb ass movie with Brian while drinking had Brian rummage through the mini bar in a heartbeat while the other male got ready to wash up, and hearing the bathroom door close after Matt went inside, Brian ran a hand through his hair.

For some reason, the guitarist felt nervous about staying in a room with Matt.

Even though they had shared the van and various other hotel rooms and whatnot with each other, it felt much different today. Maybe the very honest conversation had stirred Brian's mind in a bit of a different direction, because he felt... appreciated by Matt. It almost felt like their friendship was steadily progressing at this point, and if Brian was being honest with himself, he felt delighted about it. He had always wanted to be close to Matt, and the other male seemingly not being put off by anything Brian did had the guitarist feel pretty damn good about himself.

It wasn't like the two men hadn't been friends before - quite the opposite, actually - but Brian and Matt had never hung out alone, at least as far as Brian could recall. The band or some girlfriend or friend in general had always been there, so them being able to connect on a deeper level had never occurred before. Brian had always had a desire to get Matt's opinions on subjects, but singling the other male out for a private conversation just simply hadn't been possible yet, or even in Brian's train of thought, to be honest. For some reason, talking to Matt alone with nobody there had always scared Brian, and the guitarist had tried to put his finger on why multiple times, but to absolutely no avail. If it was due to being scared of upsetting Matt with a sarcastic remark or the two of them just not getting along was beyond Brian, but now, that everything with Matt was going so smoothly, Brian finally felt at easy with it all.

"Hm… let's see… Bacardi? Malibu… Jack Daniels… they really didn't miss a single good drink…"

Mumbling to himself as Brian tried to choose what they could be drinking, he decided to just fuck it as he grabbed all of the three bottles Brian had just named out loud. Making decisions about alcohol had never been one of Brian's strong features, because he loved it all, and at the end of the day, it didn't matter what it was as long as Brian could get drunk and have some fun.

Settling on the bed, Brian turned on the TV just as he heard the shower shut off, and skipping through some channels, Brian patiently waited for Matt to return. The concert their lead singer had given Brian from the bathroom was rather remarkable, and grinning to himself, Brian shook his head. Did Matt always sing in the shower? It was small details like this that Brian had never known about Matt until now, and the more the other male showed of himself, the more Brian wanted to know.

It was almost like discovering new music; because Brian wanted to find out everything about Matt all of a sudden.

Skipping through more channels, Brian was having a hard time deciding on what to even put on at this point. The content normal night time TV had to offer was rather boring, and the fact that the remote control stopped working every five seconds was starting to make Brian's blood pressure rise sky high.

"Oh, come on, work you piece of shit!"

Just as Brain was about to rip his hair out when the remote control stopped working while some sappy, stupid romantic comedy was on, the door to the bathroom cracked open and Matt appeared. Throwing the remote on the floor, Brian glanced over at the other male, and raising his eyebrow, Brian smirked. Had Matt really forgotten to bring his shirt to the bathroom yet again? It wasn't like the young guitarist hadn't seen Matt shirtless before, but for some reason, it was hard for Brian to look away at this very moment. Matt was a beautiful man after all… Brian could admit that as his friend, right?

"Forgot your shirt again, Sanders? Not going to lie, you're pretty fit. No wonder all the girls go crazy over your ass. As for the movie… guess we're stuck with this sappy crap, unless we find batteries for the remote… nothing here works properly."

Looking back at Matt, Brian caught the lead singers' eye for just a second, and something within him felt like he had been hit by a brick. Averting his gaze immediately, Brian glanced at his hands, unsure of what this sudden sensation even was. Brian couldn't recall having ever felt like this around another human being, especially because the feeling wasn't negative at all – it was very positive. It almost felt like Brian had a sudden desire to bare his soul to Matt, and it scared the living shit out of him. What was wrong with him all of a sudden?

Shaking his head as to rid himself of the very new thoughts he was currently having, the guitarist patted the spot next to him while shooting Matt another smile. Brian was probably just excited to spend time with Matt. Of course. That was the only reasonable explanation.

It just had to be.
 
Did he understand why Brian had asked if it was okay to share the bed with him, absolutely. Was it still a little weird, eh he supposed not. Matt figured that he just wanted to make sure that he didn't need the entire space to stretch out. And while, sure had there been a second bed in that room he would have done exactly that. Right in the center of the bed, spreadeagled just because he fucking could. But as it was, he couldn't justify forcing the other man to get a neck or backache when he could just as easily sleep fine on one side. The left side apparently which he hadn't quite understood what was so cursed about it.

Everybody had their quirks, he was no different.

The thing though that he couldn't quite put his finger on, was why it seemed like Brian had something on his mind tonight. He'd seemed a little off from what Matt could tell, but then this was the first time that the pair of them had spent this much time together in more recent times where they didn't have someone else to bounce off of. For the longest time he and Val were attached a the hip, where one was the other was sure to follow. They had been childhood sweethearts, she had been his first crush, first kiss... first everything. But as they grew older, their romance seemed a little less fairy tail and a little more platonic. They would always love each other, but the love itself had just transformed into something just as special... just different.

If not Val, than they were usually accompanied by someone else. The more Matt thought about it, sure he and Brian were friends... but they weren't super close. They were the kind of friends that could go and hang out and have a good time, but not to the level of sneaking into bed with you to fart and then pull the blanket of your head to choke you with the stench. He had to thank Jimmy for doing that to him once. Which speaking of the drummer, they both considered him to be their best friend, were in the same band together and yet... here they were still getting to know each other on a more personal level. It was kind of a funny concept really. You'd have thought they'd done this by now.

Another point Matt recalled, was that Brian had seemed almost hesitant when he'd thrown that sarcastic comment at him. Which led him to wonder if the guitarist had thought he was annoyed? He did read the sarcasm in his tone right? He knew he was joking surely. Was the other man just apprehensive about poking the bear so to speak? Matt was known for having a volatile temper, the reputation was most certainly well founded. It was something that he'd always had problems with, this proverbial chip on his shoulder. The anger was something that he continually worked on and tried to be mindful of; it wasn't unheard of for him to fly off the handle and escalate into a fist fight if something or someone got underneath his skin. But Brian had done nothing to warrant the singer being angry at him, and for a moment Matt chastised himself for considering the option. That couldn't have been it, when he was angry it was obvious. You could usually feel it before you saw it, and you could usually watch it escalate and practically time the explosion should you be so unlucky. Matt had breathing exercises among other things, but if push came to shove... grab Val before the ticking time bomb went off.

Maybe he was reading too much into it? That was possible. That he was just over thinking things.

Not more than a minute or so after he'd exited the shower, he hears Brian teasing him about forgetting his shirt, promptly complimenting him afterwards before admitting defeat with the television remote. Granted, most people he knew would appreciate the boost to their ego and he was no different but considering his previous line of thought it almost fell in line with putting salve over a wound to protect it. Again, he was probably over thinking things. But just in case, why not tease the man back?

"If I didn't know any better Brian, I'd think you were buttering me up for something. Alcohol, compliments... a cheesy romantic comedy... "

A smirk crawled across his face as he turned his attention to the guitarist whom was sitting on the bed and their eyes met briefly, and he got a strange sensation. One that reminded him of a cartoon when you locked eyes with someone and there was some weird electric wavelength between you before someone looked away. That was strange. Not to mention the fact that it was followed up by this tickling sensation in his stomach. Not the queasy, butterfly type feeling but he couldn't quite describe it. It wasn't a bad feeling at all, it was rather pleasant... and that was enough to send Matt's thoughts into overdrive.

Suddenly he's feeling that his joke was done in bad taste, and Matt wishes that he could take it back. What sort of a joke was that anyway? It's not like either of them were into men... that was just ridiculous... and probably offensive.

Absolutely ridiculous.

"It uh- well I'm assuming that's what it is since you said it was sappy crap. We could talk over it and make our own lines or something? Or... you know go up to the front desk and ask for batteries... " Matt said as he suddenly remembered he was shirtless and pulled the old black Metallica tee over his head before speaking again. "I mean, it's what we could afford so it's not like... 4 stars or anything... I don't even think it's 3... whatever that honestly means anyway."

Matt catches Brian patting the spot next to him on the bed, and he walks around the left side before taking a seat beside him and propping up the pillow behind him as he laid down. He turns to look at his bed mate... band mate and smiled back at him.

-Jesus fucking Christ Sanders, what is wrong with you all of a sudden, get it together. Your brain is all over the goddamn place.-

It was just weird, social stress. That's what it was. Matt and Brian didn't know each other as well as they should, and he was just over thinking things because... well because he wasn't reading the situation correctly. Because he was probably more tired than he thought he was and the hot water from the shower that was supposed to help him relax ended up scrambling his brain instead. Sure, he'd go with that. He couldn't think of any other logical explanation.

All he had to do was just chill, and enjoy this time had to get to know the other man better and then that was that.
 
Matt's comment about Brian buttering him up had the lead guitarist crack a grin. Was the other male implying something? Surely, there was no way in hell Matt would be into men... right? That was simply impossible. It just couldn't be.

As far as Brian could recall, Matt had always dated women. Hell, he had even dated Val once, but the two of them had grown apart over the years, which was very common with high school sweethearts - at least in Brian's opinion. Val had seemingly not taken it badly, given the fact that she was still their tour manager to date - and a brilliant one, at that. She made sure the guys didn't get in any bad trouble, she kept them fed, watered and made sure they woke up on time, and Brian would be lying if he said he wasn't grateful for everything Val had done for him and the rest of the guys so far. Her and Matt's relationship was none of the boy's business, although the shock was equal when the couple had announced their split.

Sometimes, things just didn't work out as planned, and even Matt Sanders wasn't safe from that, it seemed.

"Buttering you up? Well, who knows? Maybe I am. You don't seem to mind."

Brian was yet again obviously fucking with Matt, but this time, the lead guitarist wasn't scared of the outcome - he was curious. Brian wanted to test the waters at this point, because the connection when they had looked at each other... could it possibly be that Matt had felt it, too? The other male didn't seem uncomfortable one bit with how straight forward Brian seemed to be, and when Matt finally sat down after suggesting that Brian should get new batteries, the lead guitarist glanced at the remote control he had tossed to the floor so carelessly. Maybe, Matt had a point. It was probably not a good idea to smash motel interior. Instead, Brian should work on fixing the problem at hand, not make it worse.

Who would have thought that Matthew Charles Sanders, a true brute of a man, was a problem solver?

"You suggesting that *we* should get new batteries makes it seem like you don't want to watch this amazing romantic comedy! I wonder why! Oh, and I say *we* because I won't go down there by myself. We're in this together, Sanders. The lady at the front desk was a creep and you know it."

Just thinking about the woman that had stood behind the counter made Brian's skin crawl. She had to be at least forty, and the way she had tried to talk Brian up had left the guitarist speechless. Sure, he was used to getting hit on. It had happened so many times in his life that Brian had lost count after 12th​ grade if he was being honest with himself, but sometimes, people took it to a new extreme, and the counter lady had been a perfect example of that. Not only had she wolf-whistled at Brian as soon as he had stepped up to the counter, no, she had also implied that she could 'come warm him up' if he should get cold during the night.

All in all, it had been a little bit too creepy for Brian, and there was no way in hell he'd walk down there by himself. Matt would have to protect him, and Brian didn't care if the lead singer liked that or not. Synyster Gates was not about to get kidnapped.

Grabbing the bottle of Jack Daniel's Brian had sitting on his lap, the guitarist opened the bottle before taking a generous swig of the liquor, letting it soothe the anxiety in his stomach just a little bit. Brian didn't know why the idea of going down to that woman made him so damn uncomfortable, and looking at Matt, Brian handed the bottle to him. Liquid courage was always the way to go, at least in Brian's mind. It was better than letting anxiety control your body, anyway.

"You know, I'm positive we'll be alcoholics as soon as we get back home. The amount of alcohol we all consume on a daily basis is ridiculous at this point, dude."


Glancing at Matt with a playful spark in his eyes, Brian picked up the remote and tossed it towards his friend. For some reason, the atmosphere in the room felt full of mischief all of a sudden, and Brian would be lying if he said he wasn't all for it. Maybe him and Matt were a more brilliant fit than either one of the men had expected, and standing up again as he ran a hand through his hair, Brian raised his eyebrow at Matt.

"What do you say, Sanders? Hit or miss. We either watch this and get smashed, or we grab some batteries and might get kidnapped by the creepy counter lady who hit on me when we checked in. You decide."

Connecting gazes with Matt yet again, Brian couldn't help but grin when yet another spark seemed to fly between the two of them. Brian assumed it had to be the fact that both of them were getting along quite splendidly, and the more time Brian seemed to spend with Matt tonight, the more positive his mindset got.

The guitarist had struggled with his thoughts lately, had struggled with not only his playing abilities, but his looks as well. It was a topic Brian never touched upon with anyone else, because he knew the answer he usually got from people. They all thought he was crazy whenever he brought up that he didn't like what he saw in the mirror most days, and so, Brian had surrendered. Nobody seemed to get him, anyway.

Spending time with Matt at this very moment seemed to put Brian's worried mind at ease, though. No negative thought seemed to be able to penetrate his mind, and for the first time in weeks, Brian truly felt like he belonged here, on the road, with all of his friends and ready to follow his dreams.

Who would have thought that one simple interaction with a practical stranger could mean so much?
 
Brian was not wrong in his assumption. Matt had only ever dated women, and thus far had only been attracted to women as far as he could recall. He was glad for the fact that his split with Val had gone as well as it had, that the pair of them just realized that they were much more compatible as friends rather than lovers. He was also thankful that she was more than willing to continue to be their tour manager despite the fact that they were no longer together.

"To be fair, I don't know of anyone who doesn't appreciate the odd compliment." Matt says with a note in his tone that suggested that no one would really mind that, so it wasn't weird that he didn't mind either. "But what would you be buttering me up for is the better question."

That was a question that if he sincerely thought Brian was up to something, that he'd be curious to find out the answer to. As it was, it had just been a joke and for the time being he was trying not to think too hard on it considering he felt his brain might be turning into scrambled eggs at that point if he did.

Luckily for him, his train of thought was derailed at the somewhat dramatic overture that was going on about the batteries for the remote. "I mean, it's up to you dude... if you wanna get all up in Bridget Jones' Diary that's your business." Matt snorts audibly, proud of himself that he remembered the name of the film having only watched it the one time because Val wanted to go to the movies and Michelle had been otherwise occupied and he was ever the dutiful boyfriend.

At the mention of the woman that had been working the counter, Matt immediately regrets having made the suggestion. He'd done the, out of sight out of mind business with her as soon as he'd picked up the room keys. He couldn't argue with Brian that she'd been a bit... well, much. A creep certainly described her demeanor. It was hard to say if it was because she was terribly hard up for a date, or if they didn't get that many people coming to stay at this particular establishment. The parking lot had been fairly barren when they'd driven up, and while that wasn't indicative of anything it was enough to make you wonder.

"You know, I'd much rather stay in with the romantic comedy come to think of it. Must have blocked the traumatic experience from my mind until you brought it up." He finally says, grimacing as he thought back to his encounter with the woman. Much like Brian, he was accustomed to being flirted with but the way she looked at him made the singer feel as though she would literally devour him if she had the opportunity. Conversation turned to his tattoos, Matt nearly had his right sleeve completed at this point and generally he was more than happy to talk ink. The fact that she had reached out and traced the microphone while asking him if he worked out however, made him more than happy to get the fuck out of there. So could he fault the guitarist for not wanting to be alone with her. no... no not really.

Matt watched as Brian cracked open the bottle of Jack and he happened to agree that it was probably a good idea considering they'd both just given each other the willies. He reached out to take the bottle whenever it was offered, taking a healthy pull from it as well. "Ridiculous is probably a word for it, yea. " he says with a hint of mirth in his voice. "I don't know about you, but I think when we get home I might just try cut back at least a little. Give my liver a fucking break." That was the responsible thing to do at least, however whether or not it would actually happen would be up for debate. The booze was easier to obtain on the road, at least at home he could distance himself somewhat.

He'd been half staring at the TV watching a commercial whenever the small black remote started flying into his peripheral. Matt catches it though it is without anything akin to grace since it had literally been a heads up sort of catch, minus the heads up. When he turns his attention to look at Brian, he happens to recognize the mischievous spark in his eyes. It reminded him of way back when the band was just an idea in all of their heads and they all spent way more time getting into trouble rather than playing music.

"I don't know dude, staying in and getting smashed sounds a lot safer. We go down there and get kidnapped and in the morning have to explain to the guys how we both ended up with fuckin' herpes or some shit."

The corners of Matt's mouth began to tug upwards as he snickers, and then hazel connected to brown and he felt that weird electric feeling again. It was so strange that he was experiencing this with Brian all of a sudden, they'd been around each other for years why suddenly now was he feeling the hair on his arms stand on end?

While the guitarist had his inner struggles with his appearance and his guitar playing, the singer had his own inner turmoil to struggle with. It went back to the earlier thoughts of his temper, and the fact that it we has something that genuinely scared him. The fact that he could lose it so quickly and over so little, it was something that he didn't quite understand where the anger came from. It wasn't as if he'd had a bad life or a terrible upbringing. The truth of the matter was the fact that Matt's anger had no purpose, no cause... and he was afraid that one day he would just snap.

Right now though? His fears were the last thing on his mind. He felt content to share this small space with Brian, who from what he could tell seemed to be much more of an introvert than you would expect. Matt was content to just lay back on the bed, drink and be merry.

"So, I'm thinking we stay in and get smashed. At least then we're already in bed and we don't have to worry about anything, except maybe the hangover in the morning. But that's a problem for future us."

Smiling up at the guitarist, Matt in turn patted the bed beside him. "Come on, take a load off... relax... watch this ridiculously unrealistic view of romance. Cause let's face it, none of these movies are probably accurate."
 
The second Matt suggested that staying in the hotel room was probably their best bet instead of getting batteries, Brian surrendered.

The other male had a point, and even though Brian wanted nothing more than to laugh uncontrollably at the mention of herpes, his gag reflex kicked in before he could do anything to stop it. The sheer thought of that woman trying anything with either him or Matt gave Brian the fucking creeps, and glancing at the lead singer, Brian's expression was probably one of pure disgust. Did Matt really have to be this graphic?! Surely, the other male now looking at the guitarist all sheepishly had expected Brian's reaction, but Brian let it slide as he let his body sink down next to Matt's on the bed. He'd get Matt back eventually.

"You know, the thought of her giving us herpes is bad enough… but imagine having to explain it, like you said. How would they even find out in the first place?!"

Looking over at Matt, Brian took the bottle of whiskey from the lead singer's hands again and took a generous sip. Of course, Matt had a point with talking about how much their organs had to suffer by now because of the copious amounts of alcohol they consumed, but what else was there to do for them besides getting drunk? The downtime between shows was usually way too much, especially given the far distances they had to drive. On top of that, the first thing the guys usually did when they all got together was get drunk and cause trouble either way. Tour was like an extended party, and Brian was all for it.

His liver would survive.

Grabbing the small remote again, Brian handed it over to Matt as he listened to the buff male talk about how far from reality these romantic movies were these days, and Brian couldn't agree more. There was no way in hell something like a soulmate really existed, and all of those 'coincidences' that usually happened in those types of movies were nothing short of ridiculous to Brian. Of course, the thought of finding someone to spend the rest of your life with at a young age was nice, but it just didn't happen. Brian was rooted in reality, and his idea of love had been heavily impacted at an early age, when his parents had gotten divorced. Nothing was forever, nothing good, at least, and Brian had found out soon that love never really lasted, at least for him.

"You know… I agree. Those types of movies make people expect things they will never get. The only thing that lasts in life is pain and suffering, to be honest. Not like I want to sound all depressed, but at least for me, the bad shit seems to be a constant while all of the good things that happen are fleeting, you know?"

Looking over at Matt, Brian suddenly felt a bit self-conscious. Had he revealed too much, too soon? It wasn't like him and Matt were strangers, but conversations like this usually took time, and for Brian to seemingly just jump into a topic this deep was definitely out of character. It usually took the young male months if not years to properly warm up to someone, but with Matt, it had happened in minutes. It seemed like their connection was stronger than Brian had initially expected… now, all the young guitarist hoped was that it wouldn't bite him in the butt later down the road.

For some reason, Brian wanted to bear his very soul to Matt at this very moment.

The alcohol was always something that Brian blamed his actions on, and give or take, nine out of ten times it was probably the liquor's fault that Brian did certain things. Right now, the young male had nothing to blame his feelings on, even though he was drinking. The two sips of whiskey he had so far were definitely not enough to make Brian feel even a little bit tipsy, and running his hand through his hair as he took another sip, Brian just decided to go with the flow. What could possibly go wrong?

Glancing at Matt and then back at the TV screen, Brian looked just in time to see a couple kiss tenderly at the doorstep, and rolling his eyes, he handed the bottle back to Matt. All of these scenes were so sappy, so damn unrealistic that Brian suppressed his immediate need to vomit. For his liking, he had gotten cheated on one too many times to still find things like this cute, and groaning in distaste, Brian looked over at Matt.

"You know, now she kisses him and everything is all lovey-dovey, but just you wait. Four months down the line she'll be sucking someone else's dick, or he'll get some other chick pregnant, and then their cookie cutter love will be fucking over."

Brian knew he sounded incredibly bitter as he kept his gaze on Matt, but the other male didn't really seem to mind Brian's ranting at all. In fact, Matt even seemed to be in thought as he listened to Brian, and biting his lower lip, Brian was eager to hear what Matt had to say. thinking about it, Brian had never really seen Matt open up to anyone in the band but Jimmy, especially abut topics like dating, and even though all of them had asked Matt about his love life at some point or another, the singer had always been secretive.

Maybe, this stay in the hotel room together would finally break the ice between Matt and Brian for good.

"I'm sorry I'm so bitter. I guess I've just been single for a long time. It's just that… I don't have to feel love, necessarily. Not at all. I just wish… I just want to feel something, you know? Just anything, because that's definitely better than feeling nothing at all. Which I currently am."
 
For a moment Matt wondered if he'd somehow offended Brian when he'd mentioned being kidnapped and picking up an STD from the desperate woman at the counter. The expression he'd made was somewhere between a mix of disgust and having to vomit. It was then he asked how the boys would even find out about something like that in the event, and he just assumed that the other man had likely just given himself a less than pleasant mental image at his choice of words.

"I didn't mean herpes exactly, I was just making a joke dude." Matt says still with a hint of amusement in his tone. "There's only two ways of knowing with that one. Showing and telling and I don't think either of us would go for the former. I don't drop trou for just anybody."

They easily exchange the bottle of Jack and the remote, and Matt fiddles with it while Brian takes another decent drink. Maybe if he just took the batteries out and rearranged them the damn thing would start working again? It was worth a shot anyway since he had it in his hands and nothing else to do with it. A paper weight is all it was at this point, and not even a fancy one. Matt tilts his head once he hears Brian say that he agrees with him on the lack of reality that was to be found in romantic comedies. The way he speaks about relationships definitely seems to come from a place of experience. He knew that Brian's parents had divorced when he was younger, but never really thought on the consequences that it could bring as far as his view on romance. Matt's parents were still happily married, so he had nothing really that he could compare it to. He also mentions that good things are fleeting whilst the bad things generally seemed to be constant.

"I mean, you're not wrong." Matt says in response. "No one's lucky enough to have good things happen all the time but... I think the point of these movies isn't to be truthful you know? Like... with superhero movies you see the whole good versus evil and good triumphs and saves the world in the end. Romance movies probably are all just trying to say yea bad things happen but you know what? Somebody will fall in love with you so it's okay. That there's someone out there for everybody. Like they're a form of escapism in a way."

Now, Matt wouldn't say that he was the eternal optimist and that neither he nor Brian had met their soulmates just yet... but what the hell they were barely in their twenties, they had time. Out of the corner of his eye he notices the bottle being handed over in his direction and he steals a glance at the guitarist and happens to notice the eye roll before he looks back at the tv to notice the couple on screen having a moment.

Taking a long drink from the bottle, Matt then lowers it from his lips before raising an eyebrow slightly at the bitter commentary. If he didn't know any better, he could now easily assume that Brian had had some rather rough patches in his love life. The singer had been relatively lucky in terms of relationships. He'd dated Val off and on for years before they finally called it quits, and there had been no one in between. At least no one serious, on off periods if anything he had a few flings but that was about it. He'd not had any devastating breakups to speak of, so he could only imagine what Brian had gone through to make him that sour on the idea of the "fairy tail romance".

"You feel nothing? Like in what sense?" Matt finally asks as he sets the bottle down, feeling concern for the man beside him at that comment. "You don't feel anything about people in general, or emotionally you're not feeling anything in general."

For someone that said he wasn't feeling anything at all, Matt wasn't certain if the alcohol was going to be hindrance or a help at this point. Sure it could distract you enough to where you don't know what was going on around you, but it wasn't going to make him feel better about anything at any rate. The singer furrows his brows as he turns his attention away from the movie and focuses on Brian.

In this moment, he wished for one of two things. His first wish was that he knew the guitarist a hell of a lot better than he did right now. He would know what to say, what to do and he was fairly sure that Brian would appreciate the company of someone he was more familiar with if he was feeling this out of sorts. Secondly, if he couldn't have the first wish was that Jimmy was here. If anyone would be able to get the other man out of his funk the drummer could. Whether it be by being the amazing friend he was and listening... or unleashing a level of crazy that only the Rev that they all knew and loved could do... it would be a step up. As it was though, the longer he sat there, the more Matt came to the realization that neither of these things was going to happen no matter how hard he wished for them and that he was just going to have to figure out how to be enough, somehow.

"You don't need to apologize for anything, and you don't have to explain yourself..." Matt leans his head back against the headboard. "I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that you've had some shit happen to you. I know it's none of my business, and I'm not gonna annoy you in an effort to get you to open up or anything, but if it helps at all dude... I'm a good listener If you need to talk. About anything, doesn't have to be personal. Sometimes it just helps to talk about whatever you know?"
 
Listening to Matt talk about his opinions regarding the movie that was currently on had Brian's ears perk up, and he had to agree that the other male lying beside him had a good point. Maybe it was a form of escapism for some people, because the general idea of love being something that could sooner or later hit everyone was seemingly a nice concept. Regardless, a movie was just a movie after all, and even though Brian tried his hardest to keep his mouth shut and not bother Matt with his inner struggle, he had already said too much.

The comment the guitarist had made about not feeling anything had definitely struck a chord with Matt it seemed, and glancing over at the lead singer when he mentioned Brian could talk to him any time, the guitarist shot a soft smile Matt's way. It was nice of Matt to throw the offer Brian's way, because most people would just tell the guitar player to get over whatever he was feeling and move on – never taking his emotions into account. It had happened to Brian way too many times before with different people in his life.

"Thank you, Matt. Honestly. It's nice of you to give a fuck…"

Rolling onto his side with complete disregard for the movie now, Brian took another sip of whiskey before glancing up at Matt. If Brian was being honest with himself, he had always admired their lead singer to some degree; Matt was smart, handsome as fuck, had his life in order, he was strong, incredibly talented and knew what he wanted. Seemingly nothing managed to scare Matt, and even though maybe that was due to his stubborn nature and disregard for his own safety, Brian still wished he could be more like him. Sometimes, Brain felt as if he was the complete opposite of their shining lead singer. Where Matt was outspoken and confident, Brian was quiet and very introverted. Where Matt got angry, Brian walked away. It was small details like this that Brian had picked up on when they had first met, and over time, more and more things got piled up, making Brian feel as if Matt and him were polar opposites.

Sometimes, opposites attracted, though, and Brian felt as if that was the case between him and Matt tonight.

"You know, it's not like I want to fucking die or something, I just… it's hard to explain. I feel like I'm missing something. Everything is going so great with the band, so that's not something I worry about. I guess when we're off stage and in the hotel room or wherever we sleep… I feel lonely, you know? I know I have all of you to talk to, but I wish I had… a partner."

Glancing at Matt with his mocha brown eyes, Brian averted his gaze right before Matt looked back at him. For some reason, the guitarist felt incredibly shy about having started the topic, and the fact that he had used the word partner instead of girlfriend left some room for Matt to interpret what the guitarist meant. It was weird to Brian that he had used the specific term partner, but deep down inside, the young male knew exactly why he had laid his sentence out the way he had. Maybe, Brian had been aware of this for a long time, and maybe the guitarist had used drugs and alcohol to simply suppress the fact that something within him had clicked. Maybe Brian was in fucking denial.

In denial about not being one hundred percent straight after all.

Brian had first noticed something wasn't normal when Jimmy and Johnny had decided to put on porn in the last motel room they all had shared together. While it had seemingly gotten everyone in a state, Brian hadn't even popped a boner, which the guitarist had simply put down to being tired or not in the mood. When it had happened the second time, though, something within Brian had started to panic. After the whole porn fiasco experience, Brian had tried his hardest to find a decent looking female groupie to test his theory with, but any time they had offered themselves to Brian, the guitarist had been unable to follow through with it.

Women had seemingly lost their spark when it came to Brain, and that theory had only been backed by the fact that Brian had had some wet dreams including men that he'd rather not talk about.

Now, lying next to Matt, it suddenly struck Brian just how handsome Matt really was, but if the guitarist was honest with himself, he'd rather take a cold shower than let his thoughts go any further. There was no way Brian was about to sexualize one of his best friends, for fucks sake, and clearing his throat, Brian decided it would be better the steer the topic of the conversation away from love a little bit. Matt would figure it out soon enough anyway, that much Brian was sure of.

"I guess I just feel off lately. A lot is changing, not just for me, but for all of us, and I really wonder if we'll all be okay in the long run, you know? Success changes people after all, and I'd rather jump off a balcony than lose any of you guys. I'm scared of that, too. What if we get massive? Will we even be able to handle that type of fame?"

Looking at his hands, Brian sighed softly. The topic of the conversation with matt was definitely hitting close to home, but Brian wouldn't want it any other way. This was his chance of finally being open to Matt, finally managing to form some type of relationship with the other male, and Brian would be damned if he didn't take that chance. Opening up to Matt was so easy, it felt so natural, and the more Brian talked to Matt, the more at ease he felt as he let his head rest against the pillow, Brian's eyes now hyper focused on Matt.

Once again, the guitarist couldn't help but notice just how gorgeous Matt looked, and with the alcohol now coursing through his veins freely, Brian's mouth spoke before his brain could even register what he had just said to his straight best friend.

"You look really good. Like… you're really handsome, dude. Could be a model."
 
For the briefest of moments, Matt thought that he saw an expression of surprise cross Brian's face at the fact that he took him seriously. When he smiled and thanked him sincerely, that was enough to make him want to shake his head. Not at the guitarist so much as the fact that the statement led him to believe he may have opened up to others in the past that had just told him to get over it, or that it wasn't as bad as that. He wasn't in the other man's shoes so who was he to say what he was or was not feeling? For as long as he had known Brian, he wasn't the type to make things up for attention. Generally whenever he said something was going on, he meant it. The boy who cried wolf was certainly not something he kept in his bag of tricks.

"It's common decency really..." he says in all seriousness, "I'm not gonna blow you off just because it's something uncomfortable or cause I don't want to deal with it. That's not what friends do, at least not real ones anyway. If you say you're hurting, then I want to do what I can to help. If I didn't I mean, what kind of a friend would that make me anyway?"

When Brian shifts onto his side, Matt shuffles down and puts his arms behind his head and rests on his hands looking up training his hazel tinted eyes on the other man. To say that they were polar opposites wouldn't be too far of a stretch. While the guitarist was definitely an introvert in terms of personality, he himself was probably somewhere between Brian and Jimmy, not quite as extroverted but could party with the best of them when he wanted to. He also took his job as the front man for the band very seriously, always tried to make sure that he was on point and in top form - which was a feat in and of itself. Matt also did a fair bit of fielding a lot of the questions in interviews simply because it was something that everyone seemed to prefer. He was charismatic enough, still a giant nerd however, that was just part of the whole package.
"I can see where you're going with that. You can stay up all night talking with friends, but there's a different kind of companionship a lover can give you. And not like... you know some fuckin' groupie you have a one off night with but... someone that gets you."

Matt doesn't really think much on Brian's choice of wording. Girlfriend, partner, significant other... they were all the same really. Sexuality wasn't something that he'd questioned much, he could appreciate people that were aesthetically pleasing no matter their gender; he'd found himself attracted to the odd guy on occasion but for the most part, he had always considered himself to be straight. It certainly was the easiest thing to do, but there was more than enough room to wiggle and straddle that bisexual tightrope.

For example, he could easily admit that Brian was attractive as he lay there taking in the sight of the other man. He had a killer smile, could rock eyeliner much better than he could that was for damn sure. But as he was wont to do, he picked up said thoughts and shoved them in a compartment because that was the last thing he needed to be thinking about right now. Not when the guitarist was in need of his support and friendship.

The subject soon turns to the band, and how they were starting to finally make traction. Their second album was getting them a lot more notoriety than they were used to and the guitarist was right, things were changing. As far as he was concerned they were changing for the better.

"Success can change people, that's true. But honestly Brian, I think we'll be okay. We've all known each other for years, we're all good friends who look out for each other and you know as well as the other guys that I'll be damned if I'm going to let anything tear us apart." Matt begins his belief in the band evident in his voice. "If you mean it, you'll make it is how I see it. We've been working our asses off and I think it's gonna end up paying off for us in the end, so yea I think it's possible we might end up playing bigger tours than Warped. And like I said, we all look out for each other so I think we'll be fine. We can handle anything, dude."

After a decent while, it appeared the alcohol was starting to do the trick. Brian seemed a lot more comfortable now than he was just a little bit ago. To the point that he shifted down in bed, head resting against the pillow and his attention completely focused on the singer as their conversation ebbed and flowed much like the tide out off the pier back home. Matt was feeling fairly relaxed, considering that the large bottle was nearly gone at this point. He doesn't miss the the statement that fell off of his friends lips, and while he shouldn't be surprised by it... it somehow catches him off guard. It wasn't like they all didn't compliment each other, Zack on more than one occasion called them all sexy ass motherfuckers. But from Brian, right now? It felt different.

"Thanks dude, it's good genes I guess." Matt says somewhat awkwardly, though there was a light in his eyes and the corner of his mouth was turned upwards. "And I don't know about the modeling thing... you're the one that has the impeccable hair and perfect cheekbones."

It was a well known fact in the band that Brian did have the best hair, hands down. But what the hell did he know about cheek bones and bone structure?

Did he really just say that out loud?
 
The alcohol had definitely kicked in.

Brian was more than just comfortable, zoning out the movie and lying next to Matt, his mind being completely at ease for some reason. The way Matt talked, moved and simply looked had some sort of calming effect on Brian he couldn't quite place, and grinning when Matt seemed a bit taken aback by Brian's blunt compliment, Brian couldn't help but grin to himself. Had he just been able to make the mighty M Shadows feel flattered - hell - maybe even a bit embarrassed? Either one was a win in Brian's book, and watching Matt carefully, Brian let a hand run through his hair just as Matt mentioned how Brian's hair was the best out of any band member. The comment about Brian's cheek bones made the guitarist raise his eyebrow, and even though Brian didn't want to giggle, he couldn't help it.

"Wait, my cheekbones? What do you mean? They are just the... bones... of my face. What is so great about them?"

Glancing at Matt, Brian couldn't wipe the grin that was currently on display off his face, and reaching between himself and Matt, Brian swiftly grabbed the bottle of Bacardi that lay between the two men and opened it carefully. Taking a sip of the bottle, Brian handed the beverage to Matt before settling back down, unsure of what to say next. Matt wasn't the type to just throw compliments like the one Brian had just gotten around, and if the guitarist was being honest, he was more than delighted about having Matt be so kind to him. No way in hell did Brian assume that anything Matt had just said had to do with attraction, because fuck, that was just impossible, wasn't it?

"You think we'll empty all of those bottles I grabbed from the fridge? Not like I'd complain. I feel really fucking good right now, you know?"

Twisting somewhat awkwardly to look at the TV screen really fast, Brian groaned when he saw that the romantic comedy from earlier was still on, and settling back down in the spot he was in before, Brian looked Matt up and down once more. If the guitarist was being honest, he had always wondered why Matt had stayed single after him and Val had split, and for some reason, Brian had the balls and was interested enough right now to ask Matt just that. The alcohol was at fault for Brian's bravery for sure, but the guitarist would rather embarrass himself drunk than sober.

At least that way, he would have a decent excuse the next morning.

"You know, I always wondered… how come you're single? As far as I know, you haven't dated anyone since your split with Val, have you? It's a shame. You're quite the looker."

Fixing his eyes on Matt's face for his reaction, Brian took the bottle Matt handed back to him gratefully as he took a few more sips. Maybe, the guitarist was being a bit nosy, but as long as Matt didn't punch him in the face, Brian assumed he was good to go and allowed to keep asking questions. For some reason, Brian seemed to be a bit too interested in Matt's love life, but the guitarist simply blamed that on his lack of company most of the time, and the fact that he had nobody to really talk to about things like this.

Matt had proved to be an incredibly kind and patient person to talk to so far, and Brian would definitely be lying if he said he didn't enjoy that quality. If anything, it made the guitarist want to open up to the buff lead singer, and for some reason, it seemed like Brian was only a word away from spilling his deepest secrets to Matt with no regard for the consequences that could possibly have. Being able to talk this freely with someone who wasn't Jimmy had Brian feel like he was on top of the world, and grinning, the guitarist felt truly relaxed from head to toe for the first time in a long time.

"If I'm being to nosy please just let me know… I don't know, dude. Seems like the alcohol is helping me a great deal when it comes to opening up tonight."

Laughing to himself, Brian stretched as he let his head fall back on the pillow. Bunking with Matt sure was interesting so far, and Brian definitely hadn't expected for them to get along this well and have conversations this deep in such a short amount of time. It was all new and exciting, but the guitarist was more than exciting for what else the night had in store for the two men tonight.
 
Yea, he'd definitely said that out loud. The expression on Brian's face was proof enough, but the unabashed giggle that followed soon after... well there was a reason that Matt felt a slight heat in his cheeks. He took compliments well enough, there was no reason for him to get worked up over nothing. Because that's all it was, a little bit of nothing. A friend complimenting him.

"I don't know dude..." Matt started before pausing and shaking his head in an attempt to explain his odd statement, " I don't know a goddamn thing about cheekbones except having good ones means you're attractive. That's it. My mouth kept running and my brain couldn't keep up."

Shit, if he was going to be making statements like that tonight then he was going to need a lot more alcohol in his system. At least if he said something else idiotic he could pass off the blame from sober Matt to toasted Matt, or hell maybe he'd skip straight past the middle ground and go for wasted. That would be a hell of a lot easier.

As if the other man could read his mind, the singer reached over and grabbed the bottle of rum and took a decent gulp or two before pulling a face and handing the bottle back to Brian. They were drinking on a budget, that much was evident but he wasn't the biggest fan on this particular liquor. He compared it, at least on his own palate, to be the McDonald's of rum. If you mixed it with something else you could mask the taste better... kind of like how you could drown the burgers in ketchup.

"I think we could, shit, we've done worse I'd wager. I like the tingly feeling I've got in my toes right now... feels good."

At the sound of Brian groaning, Matt lifts his head to look at the tv, noting the two characters in bed before snorting. He remembered this scene, mostly because he'd whispered into Val's ear that he'd not make fun of her like that if she wanted to wear granny panties and promptly got swatted for it.

The next moment, the singer found himself wondering if for a brief second if the guitarist beside him was actually telepathic and could somehow hear his thoughts. Which was absolutely ridiculous, he knew logically that it was but the fact that he happened to broach a subject concerning Val when he had just been thinking about her. It was just coincidental; odd... but still coincidental.

It seemed like an easy enough question, why he was still single after he and Val had called it quits. The split had been mutual, there weren't any residual romantic feelings between them like there had once been. Matt loved Val, he always would but he wasn't in love anymore; the same could be said if you asked the petite blonde herself. But as to why he wasn't currently seeing anyone, it hadn't been at the top of his list of priorities as of late if he were to be honest. Sure, he could play it off the "bad boy" persona as only a man with tattoos and piercings could... say that he just enjoyed fucking a different woman in every city and didn't want to be tied down... but that wasn't Matt. That image wasn't entirely accurate. While he wasn't against grinding against the occasional stranger, it was one of those if he happened to have an itch to scratch and all of the variables lined up in the right way sort of deals.

"No, I haven't dated anyone seriously since we broke up." Matt finally says after a few moments of quiet introspection. "My focus has mostly been on the band you know? I haven't like... I haven't really gone out looking to make that connection again.." He laughs softly at Brian's statement that it was a shame he was single since he was quite the attractive man. Apparently alcohol made the guitarist's lips loose with compliments. Either that, or he was suggesting it was a shame since he'd have competition.

Reaching to grab the bottle of rum again, Matt took a long swig before setting the bottle down between them, his fingers lazily wrapped around the neck. It was definitely interesting having open conversation like this, even though he couldn't quite figure out the reasoning behind his band mates curiosity about his love life, or the lack of one so to speak.

"It's all that dutch courage dude." he says lifting the bottle again as a gesture and shifting again on the bed this time turning to face his friend. "Speaking of relationships... and feel free to tell me to fuck off and mind my own fuckin' business... since I already told you I wouldn't annoy you about it but... but the reason you're single... you got hurt real bad, didn't you?"
 
The way Matt opened up to Brian so easily left the guitarist just a tad speechless as he took yet another swing of the bottle, his mind running in circles. Of course, the lead singer had to wonder why Brian was so interested in his love life, because if anything, the questions were pretty intrusive for their first time spend alone together. However, the alcohol made Brian's tongue loose, and why Matt was single was just something that interested Brian, if only for the fact that the young guitarist may or may not was wondering if Matt was one hundred percent straight or not.

Of course, it was probably wishful thinking on Brian's part as he listened to Matt's answer and nodded here and there, unsure if he should even ask any more questions regarding Matt's sexual orientation. At the end of the day, it was none of Brian's business, and hearing Matt explain that he was simply not looking for any connection right now made perfect sense to Brian. Everyone had times when they needed to be alone and not have a partner tying them down, and Brian understood that more than anyone.

"Okay, that makes perfect sense…"

Glancing at Matt when the taller male took another sip of liquor, Brian took the opportunity to let his gaze settle on Matt's face for longer than normal friendship would allow. For some reason, the guitarist almost felt some weird gravitational pull towards Matt, and closing his eyes for a few seconds, Brian tried to push the feelings aside, lock them up in the very back of his mind where they belonged.

It wasn't like Matt would ever care about Brian that way, and hell, it wasn't like Brian was now magically in love with Matt. That was simply impossible and a little bit weird. Brain put his infatuation with the lead singer down to finally having someone who understood him, someone to talk to, and if anything, the warm feeling that settled in the pit of Brian's stomach was definitely the excitement about the growth of his and Matt's friendship, nothing else.

The question Matt posed about Brian's love life had the guitarist sigh ever so softly, and looking straight back at Matt – who had now shifted his position and stared right back at Brian – the guitarist nodded softly. It almost seemed like Matt had it all figured out already and was just looking for some sort of confirmation from Brian right now, and who was the guitarist to deny Matt any of that information? The lead singer had opened up to Brain as well, rather quickly even, and for Brian to not do the same only turned him into a hypocrite.

It would simply not be fair.

"Ah, yeah… I see you already figured that one out. I did get hurt, yeah."

Running a hand through his hair, Brian's gaze connected to Matt's, and for the first time in a long time, Brian felt like he could leave his otherwise so perfectly put together persona by the doorstep. Matt didn't judge him, didn't look at him any differently even if Brian would spill what had happened, and most importantly, the other male would support him.

That was all Brian needed to know for him to go on and keep sharing his story.

"Before we went on tour, I dated this girl called Cat. You know who she is, right? Blonde hair, green eyes… really pretty thing. We hit it off like a house on fire, honestly. I thought she was the one. Wanted to even pose the question at some point, if I'm honest. Of course, though, things rarely ever turn out good for me, you know?"

Casting his gaze downwards, Brian could feel a lump in his throat tighten the more he thought about his past relationship to Cat. His family had absolutely loved her, the only person who didn't had been Brian's mother, and back then, the guitarist hadn't understood why. In hindsight, Brian wished he had listened to his mother, though, because she had definitely been right about everything she had warned Brian about.

"I used to work at this construction site with my dad to get some money before we left for the road, and after roughly a year of dating Cat, I told her we'd go on tour, and she wasn't really happy about it. I did sense some change in her character, the way she treated me was… well, how do I say it? Abusive, I guess. She tended to hit me from time to time, but I'd never hit a woman, you know? I just thought it was a phase, so I let her be, gave her some space. The usual shit. My friend and the dude I worked with, Parker, told me it's normal for women to get moody, so I just assumed everything was fine and kept doing my thing."

Taking a deep breath, Brian looked into Matt's eye briefly, just to check if the lead singer was still paying attention, and to Brian's surprise, it seemed like Matt was hanging on Brian's lips. His stare was quite intense as he seemed to take in every word Brian said, and swallowing hard, Brian gave Matt a weak smile before wrapping his arms around his own middle. It was a comfort thing Brian did here and there, when things he talked about were a bit too personal. If the guitarist was being honest with himself, though, in this very moment, he'd rather have Matt's arms around him than his own.

Brian would not dare cross that boundary, though.

"One day – it was my day off at work – I decided to pay Cat a visit after not seeing her for a week. She didn't ignore my calls or anything, but she didn't want to meet up either, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to surprise her. When I showed up, I saw Parker's car in the driveway, and I guess you can put two and two together. I walked in, caught them fucking on the kitchen counter and I guess I lost my shit… wasn't pretty for anyone, really. Broke his nose, had a fight with her… she told me I wasn't a real man, that I was a loser with a dream that would never go anywhere… it was pretty painful, you know? Given the fact that she not only threw verbal shit at me, but also slapped me in the face after I was done rearranging Parker's face. So yeah, I guess that's why I'm single, and definitely done with females."
 
Matt wasn't exactly an open book about everything this was true, but nothing that Brian had asked thus far made him take pause. Asking about why he was still single wasn't so far out of left field that it would make him uncomfortable, especially not from one of his friends. It seemed more like a small talk type question that he'd be asked by a potential hookup or partner or what have you anyway. If anything, he found it curious that Brian would be interested in this line of conversation. Was it the alcohol talking? Was there something in particular he was curious about and was just hedging around it, stalling for time? It was hard to tell.

Now, just because Matt hadn't been going out and looking for romance did not mean that he would be opposed to the idea entirely. He remembered talking to his mother on the phone at one point after the split, and she'd said that love sometimes had a habit of appearing when you least expected it. That he was young, and there was plenty of time. It wasn't anything he was going to stress about for sure, and for the time being he was enjoying what some people would call freedom. Living the single life and taking things a day at a time as it were. In the event he happened to get lucky and the right person came around, well then he was more than willing to see where it went.

Brian seemed to understand exactly where he was coming from in that regard, and Matt found himself watching the other man idly as he took another pull from the bottle before confirming that he was in fact correct in the matter that he'd been hurt pretty badly in his last relationship. From everything that the guitarist had said, that part of it seemed fairly obvious. To the point that he'd had his suspicions about how exactly everything went down. Which, not to put a finer point on it displeased him. The singer had a tendency to feel protective over his friends, and he didn't like the idea of other people treating them like shit. He'd sat up all night with Zack once after a break up, letting him rant and yell until he'd exhausted himself enough to sleep; had helped Jimmy through a hangover the morning after and even sat on the side of the tub rubbing his back as he threw up and generally felt miserable.

"I'll have you know, I'm smarter than I look." Matt says with a small laugh, making a joke in an attempt to help ease the other man into his story. He would by no means judge him for not reflecting the perfect persona that others expected from him. That shit, was absolutely exhausting he knew. There were times when Matt himself would channel his M. Shadows persona in an effort to appear unruffled in certain situations.

"Yea, I remember. Used to joke with the guys that you were physically attached at the hip and were going to pick out matching curtains one day..."

The tone of Brian's voice darkened as he spoke, his expression mirroring his words in a way that caused Matt's stomach to turn. She had been hitting him, and he'd been told that it was okay? What the ever loving fuck? That was never okay, it didn't matter that she was a woman. That didn't excuse her behavior, not at all. The singer's brow began to turn to a frown as he continued to listen, intently watching Brian as further proof that he was completely caught up in listening. Already he was starting to feel that protective drive towards the man beside him and he wasn't even finished telling the entire story.

Taking in a deep breath, Brian had wrapped his arms around himself. It wasn't a defensive posture of any kind, but one that told Matt that the worst was yet to come and he needed a moment of comfort for himself before continuing. For a moment, he feels bad for asking but at the same time he's glad that finally the guitarist is opening up; he wonders how long that Brian has been holding onto all this pain. Reaching just across the bed, Matt rests a hand on the other man's arm in an attempt to also offer him comfort and support. It seemed like the least he could do.

Once Brian was finished speaking, Matt felt his jaw tightening and he shook his head before speaking. "What a fucking piece of work... the pair of them..." he started, his hand still resting on the other man's arm.

"For one, Parker was a grade A douche-bag even before he had the fuckin' audacity to screw your girl. Moody is one thing, but fuckin' hitting you whenever the mood strikes? No, that's never okay. Me an' Val, we got in our fair share of fights too... we didn't always agree on everything but not once did she ever lay a hand on me, or I her... even if I probably deserved it once or twice." Matt takes in a deep breath through his nose in an effort to help ebb the frustration he was feeling for Brian in that moment. "You didn't deserve to be treated like that by either of them, that's fucking bullshit. And you know dude, I totally understand why you'd want to be single for a while after that. Anyone would."

The last statement however forced the singer to take pause. He was done dating women? Did that mean he was bi? Was he potentially interested in dating men then? That would have to be what he meant considering he'd mentioned wanting to have a partner earlier... that realization made Matt feel a tad sheepish. When he was younger just to be an obnoxious asshole he used to throw the word faggot around, enough that everyone in the band had heard him do it. Granted, he was not homophobic by any stretch of the word... but it still didn't make it right. Thankfully he'd grown up considerably since then; and he hoped that the guitarist had just blown him off and not taken him seriously like most of his friends had.

"If you do ever decide that you want to un-swear off women. I promise they're not all batshit crazy." Matt gives his arm a squeeze and smiles softly at him in hopes that opening up will have long lasting effects in making Brian feel better. "But if you wanna date dudes, then... hey... broadens your horizons a bit eh?"
 
Brian had to admit that it was relieving to be able to tell Matt what had happened back home with Cat.

It wasn't like Brian was an open book about these things, and if he was being honest with himself, he had always felt rather ashamed of the fact that a woman used to beat the living shit out of him whenever she pleased. Of course, Brian could have easily defended himself against her, but he was more than happy that he had decided against doing that all this time ago. If Brian would have as much as raised his voice against her, he was sure the woman would have done something to make him look like the abuser, but given the fact that Brian had always been too kind for his own good, he had never overstepped any lines.

That had probably been a very wise thing to do on his part.

The way Matt listened to Brian had the guitarist feel more than at ease with sharing how he really felt about the whole scenario, but what came unexpected was Matt's hand that found its way onto Brian's arm almost naturally. Glancing at the singer's big hand on his trembling arm had Brian smile ever so softly, and with the alcohol in his system, he felt as if the warm touch was softly running through his entire body, leaving his limbs much more relaxed than they had been before.

"It was a hard time… I never wanted to talk about it because I didn't want to seem like… a pussy, I guess."

Glancing at Matt, Brian listened to the other male's words carefully, and when Matt finally had caught on to what Brian had said about being done with women, the guitarist couldn't help the blush that spread across his cheeks. So, Matt was already convinced that Brian wanted to date men – or that Brian was at least bi? In Brian's own mind, it wasn't that crystal clear yet, but the more the guitarist looked at the buff lead singer, the more his desire to kiss the other male's plump lips grew.

"I… I'm… I don't know… haven't thought about it that much yet, it's just that… I do catch myself finding men pretty attractive from time to time, you know?"

Looking into Matt's eyes again, Brian scanned the lead singer's face for any kind of disgust or negative emotions, but none were displayed on the other male's face. All Brian could see was understanding, support and the softest of smiles tugging on the corners of Matt's lips, and without much thought, Brian scooted closer to Matt and let one of his arms wrap around the lead singer's neck to engulf him in a pretty awkward hug – given the fact that both of them were still lying on the bed.

"Thanks for understanding, though… it means a lot to be able to talk to someone freely who isn't Jimmy. As much as I love and trust him, it's nice to get a second opinion from time to time…"

Brian's voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke to Matt, his chest pressed flush against the lead singers, and trying to pull away, Brian clumsily rolled on his back, pulling Matt with him by accident. Laughing at how stupid and obviously intoxicated he was, Brian finally unhooked his arm from Matt's neck, releasing the lead singer. What the guitarist hadn't realized until now though was just how close the other male all of a sudden was, and gulping, Brian immediately cast his gaze downwards. Matt's face was mere inches away from his own now, and that was all due to Brian being a complete clown when he was drunk – as usual.

"I… I'm sorry. Didn't mean to… pull you…"

Biting his lower lip, Brian didn't dare look into Matt's eyes for fear of doing something both of them would regret, but even though Brian had given Matt the freedom to move away, the guitarist still placed one of his hands on Matt's shoulder. The whole situation was more than amusing if the guitarist really thought about it, and finally having the courage to look back at Matt, Brian couldn't help but giggle ever so slightly. First, they were having a deep conversation, and now, Brian had managed to ruin the moment by being a clumsy bastard.

It was typical.

"I really didn't mean to pull or push you around. I'm just… a bit clumsy. Guess I am more drunk than I expected. Ah, stay still… something on your face…"

Sometimes, drunk Brian was definitely fearless, and right now was one of those instances.

Brian would never dare touch someone else's faces out of the blue, but the little crumb Matt had on his bottom lip bothered Brian enough to do just that. The warning had fallen off the guitarists mouth in slurred words, and letting his thumb softly stroke over Matt's bottom lip had the crumb disappear in no time.

Usually, if Brian saw dirt or crumbs on someone else, he'd simply tell the person that instead of touching them, but with Matt, it was different. Brian wanted to touch him, and at this point, it seemed like the guitarist took any excuse he could get to be able to put his hands on Matt. Gazing back into the singer's eyes, Brian let his hand rest on Matt's cheek for a few seconds, unable to pull himself away, even though he tried.

"All clean again… looked like… a bread crumb…"
 
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