Home Is Where The Heart Is

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"I know it was bad," he whispered, his own cheeks growing beetroot in embarrassment. "I've never kissed anyone before, not like that, a-and I'm pretty much just basing it off of the animes I've seen, so... I'm sorry if it wasn't perfect, b-but it's the thought that counts, right?"

As he spoke, his own smile grew as he held their distance, only to move away back to his casual position in an attempt to act cool and natural. "I mean, I hope that was alright."
 
"You're so hard on yourself, Jesus. I though I was insecure, but damn. Did I say I hated the kiss? It was great! Don't be so, like... down about it. If it was shit, I'd say," he encouraged, with a small roll of his eyes that, with his accompanying grin, was clearly intended to be playful. Even if he did feel particularly strongly about Leo and his self-esteem. It was ridiculously low, and from Nyle's perspective, unreasonably so.
 
"I'm sorry," he whispered, the other's words only causing him to grow quiet. Physically shaking it off, though, he instead offered another smile instead of just moping. That was Ian improvement, at least, right? Carefully taking Nyle's hand, Leo held it tight - despite it feeling like a simple hold to the other.

"No one has ever told me I was good at anything," he admitted as he locked on the outside. "I mean, not in real life. It feels bad, you know? It's why I locked myself away, to avoid criticism and stuff. I don't mean to get all personal or anything but, yeah. I would much rather be rotting in a bathtub than ever be see them again, if that says anything. Granted, I wish they at least would have at least checked up on me and buried me in my hometown, next to my grandma and stuff. Instead I get buried by a bunch of strangers with a mediocre tombstone, I imagine."
 
It wasn't that he didn't want the other to limit himself with what he said - he wanted to speak as openly as he wished. That said, it was extremely difficult to get the idea of his rotting corpse out of his mind when he brought it up, grimacing uncomfortably and trying to overcome it by glancing back at the TV.

"I... I'm sure they at least got you a nice grave. Gigi seemed pretty downbeat about the whole situation with you, so I'm sure she spoke up about a good headstone for you," he smiled awkwardly, biting his lip to keep himself from frowning. "I just... don't like the thought of you being... like that, y'know?"
 
"I'm sorry," he repeated as he eased back further, closing his eyes just to avoid seeing the other's reaction. He wasn't an idiot, he knew the conversation was gross but it was true, no reason to beat around the bush.

"... would you be willing to find out for me?" He curiously whispered, his eyes opening briefly to look up at the human. "I just want to know, you know? You don't have to, obviously, but... I guess it would just make me feel better. It's out of the way, though, so... you know what? Never mind, I should just shut up. If I ever say stuff that bothers you just tell me to shut up, okay?"
 
"...Hey, I could totally do that for you. Would it freak me out? Totally, but I'd go and check it out. If it's a dump, I'll even clean it up, make it look pretty," he suggested easily, somehow managing to sound calm about it, even if the idea completely unnerved him. Visiting his boyfriend's grave while he was actually still dating him sounded crazy, and he didn't want to confront that fact that Leo was dead. He could make himself forget that most the time, and it was only when Leo disappeared or when he talked about his death that he was, unfortunately, reminded of it.

"Where is it? Is it really far-- I mean, I'll go and check it out, but you got panicked with me just heading ten minutes into the other town for a drink. You sure you're not gonna get all stressed out if I do go?"
 
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"... don't go," he decided quickly as he stared down at the edge of his shirt, fiddling with it absently. "I'm sorry, that was a stupid idea. I just - I'm sorry. I know it's upsetting and I don't want to upset you, it's just... I've been alone for five years, it's nice to be able to know all of this, you know? I just... I don't want to push you away because I'm a sad piece of shit."

In an attempt to lift the mood, Leo offered a quick peck to the other man's cheek - something they both knew was major. Not as big as a full kiss but still something pretty important.

"Hey, I need to leave the past in the past, right? I just need to stop talking about it."
 
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"Okay, you're not pushing me away, dude. I'm here for, like, years. I'll get a job, settle right down here with 'ya. Are you too insecure? Sure-- but I'm hardly bubbling away with confidence either, am I? We're sort of a perfect match," he beamed, appreciating that kiss more than he let on. He wasn't going to gush about how great it was, when that could pile on a whole heap of pressure - he didn't want Leo to feel like he had to kiss him every second of the day.

Though, admittedly, it was hard wiping the delighted grin from his face.

"I won't go if you don't want me to, but I'm always up for checking it out if you change your mind-- I do have to leave the house at some point, you know? I need a job eventually and I need to go grocery shopping and all that boring adult stuff."
 
"I know, but... couldn't you order food online? Plus you don't need a job until my money runs out. I want to be with you as much as possible," he admitted, his movement to scoot closer evident of that. "I guess it's selfish but I want to be with you as much as possible. I've been alone for so long that I... I dunno, I'm clingy?"

Letting out an embarrassed laugh, he covered his face, snorting. "God, I'm sorry. That's so pathetic but... at least I won't stalk you, right~?"
 
"Hey, it's fine! I mean, it's kinda sweet to know you at least care about me-- and let's face it, you have a right to worry. I ot home tonight beaten black and blue, so it's understandable-- but I do have to go out eventually. You don't need to, like, worry, but I promise I won't head out unless it's unavoidable, how about that?" He coolly suggested as he adjusted the blanket over them, if only to emphasise that he was perfectly fine cuddling up for the whole day, and had no intention of heading out.

Really, he had no need to head out. He didn't need a job, at least not for awhile, and he wasn't prepared to head out and socialise now. Not after the whole pub seemed to turn on him last time he tried it.
 
"... okay, but I'm holding you to it," he replied quickly as he stared at the other, his black eyes showing clear worry nonetheless. "I don't want that happening again, you know? I can't keep caring about you, I've got things to do, places to go, yeah? I'm a busy man," He teased, at least attempting to lessen the atmosphere. Adding a quick peck for emphasis, he eventually decided to snuggle up close and wrap himself tight in the blanket.

"When you do go out for food, can you get cake? I like the texture. I know that sounds weird but... yeah. Marble cake was always my favorite because I could never decide what i wanted - vanilla or chocolate. Why not both, yeah?"
 
"It's your cash, you can ask me to get whatever you want. I'm not the one paying for it, after all," he pointed out with a dry smile, even if saying it out loud made him inwardly cringe. He didn't mind being given the cash, especially when Leo was hardly in a place to use it himself, but he still hated himself for doing so. The move from Pennsylvania was, he argued, a move to become more independent. He had promised himself he'd grow up and support himself totally, away from his father who had often interfered financially to help his son out.

Just a few days after moving, he'd already broken that by accepting Leo's cash and not bothering to even search for a job.

"I... should still get a job, Leo. I mean, I... if I'm here permanently, that cash isn't going to last that long, so I need a job."
 
"Eventually, sure, but you don't have to this minute, right?" He countered as he fiddled with the blanket, his attention having returned to the television. "There's at least 6 months worth of rent thcere, Nyle, you're fine. If you're so eager to go out and get a job, I can't stop you. I just think it's silly," he admitted, waving the other off dramatically.

"I don't have much of a choice other than support you, do I? I mean, do you. I just don't think it's necessary yet. You should take your time adjusting rather than jump in it willy-billy."
 
"This coming from the guy that was horrified when I first arrived and told him I didn't have a job already in place? You've changed your tune pretty quick, dude," he pointed out in return, settling back as much as he could despite the inability to really settle. Every few minutes, he adjusted his position or shuffled his feet just that little bit more. Relaxing and lounging out lethargically was what he did best, and he definitely needed that after everything he'd gone through the last few days, so not able to do it when he most needed it was infuriating.

"There's this neat local store nearby. It's cute and small. I could ask for a job there? It's two minutes away, real close. You won't have to worry about me being too far away. It's ideal, huh?"
 
"I suppose..." he replied warily as he sat up a tad, "I guess that isn't too far, but... I dunno, do you have to take a full shift? How much is the rent? Like, I heard it was cheap as fuck, so, yeah. I don't want you going out there to get hurt again, or leave me alone here. I mean, it's so boring and sad without you being here. "

Getting to his feet, he wearily rubbed his face before wandering to search for the cat while unsubtly giving the other room. Picking up the chubby cat, he wandered back to the couch, holding Bitters tight as he watched over the human curiously.
 
"You know, you're so much sweeter than you were when we first met," he complimented easily, nudging a tad closer. "You've gone from hating my guts and wanting me to leave, to wanting to keep me at your side whenever possible. It's sorta adorable, you know? And look, I'll... stay in as much as I can. I have to leave at some point or people will start wandering where the weird gay guy who has sex in public has gone~"

To his credit, for the following two months, Nyle had done his best to stay in around the house whenever it was possible. Except, when he did find himself a job, surprisingly within the sleepy town, he was gone for a few hours a day. It was inevitable that this would happen at some point, and he didn't want to feel guilty about it. He was 20 and, having dropped out of college, needed to at least be somewhat independent - and getting a job like this was a huge step forward to him. He knew it upset Leo, but he did try to rectify that by buying him a laptop and bringing home various things for him over the weeks - any little treat he could pass over to him to make it all easier, he'd do.

Although, perhaps to Leo's advantage, Nyle hadn't been able to attend his little job for the last week now. Every day of that week had been spent either cooped up in bed, or on the couch. To say he felt ill was an understatement; he felt like he was on his deathbed, and even moving to go to the toilet required immense effort and accompanied great amounts of pain. None of it was fun, but he was at least taking advantage of Leo spoiling him a little for once.

"Can I get another of that lemon herbal tea? It's good for my throat," he mumbled from the couch, glancing up at the ghost with a tired -and clearly pained- smile. "Maybe another hot water bottle too..."
 
Unlike Nyle, because of him being a ghost, he had no real sense of time. What was two months for Nyle felt like a week to Leo. Everything seemed to go fast despite everything being exactly the same so, when Nyle fell ill, he only briefly realized... and took it into his own hand to make the other worse.

If Nyle was dead, they both could be together, right? He wouldn't be alone anymore in the chance that the man decided to move, and he could spend the rest of eternity together. In such an old cabin, there was no surprise that rat poison had to be placed around the home. Adding just a little every day was slow enough to be subtle rather than just full-on kill the other. The sicker the other became, though, he began to feel... guilty. Exhaling quietly, he started up the kettle with pursed lips while popping the water bottle in the microwave.

"Do you still have a fever?" He asked from the kitchen as he glanced over, his brow raising curiously. This whole time, Leo insisted he could take Just good enough care for the other than any old doctor but, with his guilt building, he offered a small smile.

"... I think you should call a doctor," he explained quietly as he handed over the water bottle. "I think I've done all I could, babe. It's sort of hard to really help when I can't feel you."
 
"I'm not calling a doctor-- you don't want anyone in this house, right? I'm sure I just have a bug or the flu or something, I can cope," he promised as he gratefully accepted the water bottle, doing his best to convince the other of his good health by shifting up on the couch... even if it prompted an unfortunate pained groan which ruined the desired effect.

It was true that, had he been anywhere else, he'd have called the doctor. However, in this town, he didn't really trust anyone, even a doctor. Over the two months, he'd had death threats in the post and, during one particularly bad spell, the house had paint thrown over the outside of it. If he knew this would be the result of people learning his sexuality, he would never have let himself get in a situation where it would be obvious. It was far too late for that now, so even calling in a doctor seemed like a risk to him.

It as ironic, then, that the only person he trusted was poisoning him and causing him his ill-heath.

"I'm... fine. Really. Come sit down," he motioned, patting the spot on the couch with his foot. "I promise, I'm not gonna vomit everywhere again, that was horrific and... and I feel better now."
 
Once the kettle began to whistle, he moved to pour the cup before hurrying besides Nyle. Carefully pulling him closer, he offered a wary smile as he took a seat. Carefully taking his feet, he began to rub them in guilt as he watched Bitters stroll up, meowing cheerfully as he plopped onto Nyle's chest.

"... are you sure? Maybe you should go to the hospital? Call an ambulance and head out? I... I wouldn't be able to come with you but I would be okay with that. I don't... I don't want you to die," he murmured as he carefully focused his energy on the other's feet.
 
"Oh god, you're so dramatic. I'm not going to die. It's a stomach bug or something-- and my immune system is shit, which explains how long I'm taking fighting it off," he laughed, paying little attention to how much it hurt to do such a simple action. By groaning or wincing, he almost guaranteed himself more of Leo's fussing, and while it was nice, it as mood-killer to hear him talk about death. Nyle hardly anticipated that he was going to die, after all.

"I, uh... maybe I'll go see the doctor later or something, alright? Just stop worrying. People get sick, Leo. It's not, like... a strange phenomenon," he smiled, pushing himself up as best he could to offer the ghost a quick peck on the cheek. "Relax, alright?"
 
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