[Samuel x Roman]

The next time he was greeted by roman it was in a tone Samuel knew he deserved. It didn't seem to be anybody else there and Samuel could, and probably should have answered and apologized. But hat if someone did walk in? What if someone was in one of the stalls without him having realized it? Once again he decided to pretend as if Friday hadn't happened, with the exception of mumbling a barely audible "sorry" when passing Roman and Walking out.

After running into Roman in the bathroom Samuel started to make an effort in trying to not let it happen again. When he walked through the halls he would try to spot him before walking past him so he could position himself as far away as possible, head turned away pretending as if he didn't see him. He made sure to get into class at the last minute to not have any time before hand to chat and when it was over he'd leave straight away, dragging whoever of his friends were in that class with him.

Doing it made him feel pretty shitty, though. He knew he was being a fucking asshole and that Roman really hadn't done anything to warrant being ignored. And he knew he would have probably been in for a pretty fun class if he had spoken to Roman in first period. But he couldn't risk it.
 
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Honestly, Roman had no idea what to do or how to feel. He knew he should have expected this -- a popular soccer player like Samuel couldn't risk his social reputation by hanging out with the obnoxious drama nerd, could he? But, Roman had really thought they had a connection. Not necessarily a romantic one, but a friendly connection that had been established on Friday night.

Apparently, he had been incorrect, and that saddened him more than he had expected.

After five days of being solidly ignored by Samuel, Roman walked into a party on Friday night, in black shorts, a black T-shirt with a gold triangle on the chest and a slightly sour attitude. He was only here because this was Bella's younger, popular sister's party, and Bella had begged him to come and keep her company. So he grabbed a can of Coke -- he didn't drink if he could avoid it -- and went into the living room where his friends sat on the couch.

"Hey."

"Hey," said Bella. "Glad you could make it."​
 
Friday night was the night of a party Samuels friends had actually managed to convince him to got to. But it honestly hadn't been that hard this time. He didn't mind a distraction after a week that had turned out to be more exhausting than he had expected. Who would have thought it took actual effort to ignore someone you didn't want to ignore.

He had told his parents beforehand he wouldn't get home until the next day, planning on sleeping at whoever would let him's couch once he left, he had made the mistake of coming home drunk and pretended he wasn't before and it wasn't something he was very keen on doing again. The more obvious resolution to this would, of course, have been not to drink, but he wasn't about to spend hours with his drunk friends completely sober.

The place was full of people from school, both those he talked to and those he generally didn't. He still mostly hung around his usual group of friends and planned on doing so until they decided to scurry off and find other things to do.
 
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Roman noticed Samuel as soon as he arrived, of course, and he discreetly watched him out of the corner of his eye, as if he was searching for an opening to go and talk to him. Which, apparently he was, because as soon as Samuel's friends abandoned him for half a second, Roman was up onto his feet and making his way over.

He took Samuel's sleeve and tugged him into a spare bedroom, almost shoving him inside and locking the door behind him. This type of aggressiveness was very uncharacteristic for Roman but it was clear he was completely and utterly sober. And slightly upset.

"I'd like to know what I did to warrant your shitty treatment of me," Roman said in a slightly dead tone. His voice lacked any real feeling to it, because for the first time in forever, Roman felt hurt by another human being. "I mean, unless you count being genuinely nice and real to you as a bad thing that deserves this shit."

Roman's voice was average-pitched, but outside this room, it would be silent as the shitty pop music that was being played drowned out all other sounds.

"You're a fucking asshole. And you're fake. At least I can fucking admit my sexuality." That was low, and it was something Roman hadn't planned on saying, but he was angry and it was all coming out of him unfiltered. "You think people don't notice? Well, your dumbass, self-centred friends might not notice, but I do because I can fucking read people."​
 
Samuel had not expected Roman to be there. He also hadn't seen him. So when he did make his presence clear by grabbing his sleeve and dragging Samuel of there was no way of escaping it like he had been able to in school.

Roman was angry, and he had the right to be. Samuel would have apologized then and there, try to explain things properly and told him it was okay for Roman to hate him if he wanted to because what Samuel had been doing the past week really wasn't okay. He didn't do that because of what Roman said next. The words instead made him freeze on spot, heart immediately starting to beat faster as he was confronted with he was so afraid people would think.

He wanted to shove Roman out of the way and leave because he had dared to bring that up as if he knew anything, and he wanted to shout at him to shut up, but he couldn't, his feet were stuck and his voice wouldn't hold if he tried to be loud.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Just because you're into guys doesn't mean you know if I'm-" even as he spoke in a regular, but angry, speaking voice he couldn't keep his voice completely steady and he knew it wouldn't even have convinced himself. He momentarily stopped himself to be able to defend himself normally, taking a deep but slightly shaky breath before continuing, "I have nothing to admit, they have nothing to notice and you're reading into things"

Good. Okay. He was done here, they could move and not talk to each other again. He still couldn't seem to move, though, couldn't barge out of the door and keep his words as the last. Instead, he just stood on the same spot, staring angrily and still way to upset at the others comment for there to be nothing behind it.
 
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Roman scoffed. "You have absolutely no idea what you're even talking about," he snapped at Samuel irritably. "I'm not reading into things, I just know what to look for, and I think if I'm into guys I'd have a slightly better idea of what a gay guy looks like than everyone else."

Roman had gone too far to go back now, and he didn't even care. He was pissed, obviously, but underneath that, he was determined to get Samuel to admit it, at least to himself.

"And straight guys don't get so defensive over people questioning their sexuality because straight guys aren't ridiculously insecure about themselves," Roman continued in the same irritable tone as before. He found himself slowly inching forward and inadvertently backing Samuel up near the single bed in the corner of the room, though that wasn't his intention.

"Maybe that's why you've been such a cunt to me -- because you're afraid people will notice if you hang out with the fucking school faggots. Hm?"​
 
The words made him visibly wince as he realized Roman had managed to pinpoint the exact reason, the exact thoughts, he had had throughout the week, although he faced in a way that made him feel even worse for doing it. He didn't want to hear it, and he didn't want that to be told the things he had been stopping himself from thinking for years.

"Please stop, I'm not..." he voice was weaker, trying to make Roman shut up by giving him another excuse that couldn't leave his mouth as there was no point in trying to deny it anymore, seeing as he couldn't even believe it himself.
Samuel knew making up with excuses as to why he wasn't dating girls wasn't normal. He knew stopping himself from thinking about and looking at guys wasn't normal. He knew freaking out about another guy's hand just touching he wasn't normal. But as long as it wasn't brought up he didn't have to admit it to himself, and as long as he didn't admit it he wouldn't have to face the consequences. It seemed to be impossible not to bring up around Roman, though.

He also knew that his awareness of that every step Roman took brought them closer together wasn't completely normal either. Matching the others pace and walking backward until he was stopped by the bed.

"I can't" he wasn't sure if he was trying to communicate that he couldn't admit it, that he couldn't be gay because of the consequences or that he couldn't be seen with Roman due to the risk of people finding out. Wether or not he wanted those things was another question but the point of the matter was that he couldn't, and that was the real reason for all of this.
 
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Despite his cockiness and self-centred attitude, Roman was actually an incredibly empathetic person. He was kind and compassionate when he needed to be, and most of the time, he didn't enjoy pushing people to their breaking points. And he did not tolerate bullying in the slightest. He had been bullied all his life, but he had the confidence and self-esteem to ignore it for the most part.

But now, everything he was doing and saying was fueled by the anger and frustration he had built up over the last week. He almost never got kicked to the curb since he was such a charismatic person, everyone liked him.

But it had been a slap in the face to be rejected like that by Samuel, and especially since he had actually felt a friendship between them.

"You can't what?" Roman snapped, almost spat. Samuel wasn't exactly short, but Roman was freakishly tall and he managed to look somewhat imposing because of it. "You can't admit it to yourself? To me? Or you can't be a fucking man and realise that the opinions of idiotic high school students mean nothing in the long run."​
 
Eyes flickering, looking anywhere but Romans face as thing were starting to pile up into too much for Samuel to emotionally handle.

He knew that when people jokingly called him weird for prioritizing school work over dating and the comments of him being a nerd after, could have easily been insults intended to hurt thrown at him in the hallways had he not happened to be good at soccer. And unlike Roman who was really confident and sure of himself, he could probably no to deal with that, which was why he was so reliant on his reputation being intact. And yes, he had he not been so much of a wuss that shouldn't have to matter.

But what Roman didn't seem to realize was that it did realize in the long run. If people found out, the team found out and since most parents were somewhat involved in the team it would mean his dad would find out, and that was what scared him the most. He didn't know what his father would do but whether it was kicking him out or something worse, seeing as he had gotten violent for less in the past, that would, in fact, mean something in the long run.

He didn't need Roman to know that, though, he just needed him to stop before Samuel did something embarrassing like cry because cornered into confrontation.

"You're right, okay" he didn't specify what he was right about because he was right about everything except that it did mean something, but he didn't want to argue about that either, instead he just looked down on his feet and continued hoping that something he'd say would stop him, "You're right, I'm stupid, and I'm sorry"
 
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Roman felt all of his anger and frustration leak out of him at Samuel's words. The scowl on his pretty features turned into a blank expression and his body language relaxed to a calm state instead of intimidating. He couldn't believe the words that had just left Samuel's mouth.

Well, no, he could believe them. He just couldn't believe he had finally admitted to it.

"Okay ... sit," said Roman rather gently, a start juxtaposition to his previous hostility. He gently sat Samuel down on the edge of the bed, moved to the door and jiggled the handle a little to ensure that it was locked. This was a spare bedroom in the more remote, separate part of the house that he only knew since this was his best friend's place. They'd be alone.

Roman went back to Samuel and sat down beside him on the edge of the bed. He licked his lips. "No, I'm sorry for pushing it out of you," he murmured, feeling a little guilty, but more so pleased that Samuel had at least admitted it.

"But this is good for you, you know," he said earnestly, rubbing Samuel's back without taking his eyes off the carpet in front of him. "Really, it is. There's nothing more liberating than being yourself."

He bit his lip and looked at Samuel. "Have you ever even hooked up with a guy?" he asked curiously. Not because he wanted to hook up with Sam, but because he was genuinely curious. But if Samuel were to kiss him he probably wouldn't mind.​
 
He sat in silence while Roman went to check on the door, finally able to calm down as Roman had as well, especially, and weirdly enough, when the other came back to sit down next him.

Roman described this as good an liberating but he knew it wouldn't feel any of those things once he left the room they were in. But at least with somewhat admitting to it and Roman already knowing meant he didn't have to lean away from the others comforting hand on his back or be concerned over the fact that he was close enough to see that his eyes were green. For now it at least it did feel nice.

Had he not been still been so jaded when Roman asked his next question Samuel would have probably laughed. He had just admitted to something he'd been so in denial about he had convinced himself and he had trouble seeing how he would have ever gotten past that to hook up with a guy. But he guessed it was still a pretty valid question.

"Nah, I don't think I would have been able to convince myself otherwise if I had" he admitted. He had been with enough girls to know he wasn't interested though and had to avert his eyes from enough guys to know he was.
 
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Roman couldn't imagine living the way Samuel did -- pushing people away and living a lie. Not being able to accept yourself and pretending to be someone you're not. To live like that was the saddest thing in the world to Roman. He was so glad that his parents were open and accepting people because he knew he would have had a lot of trouble with his identity if they had not been.

"Maybe you should find someone and try it," Roman suggested lightly, still rubbing Samuel's back. "I mean, don't do it until you're ready, but I guess doing so will help you come to accept yourself? I never went through his identity crises but Bella, Elliot and Blake all did." And Roman had both physically and emotionally helped them through it. He had helped Ell discover he liked guys and Blake discover she had no interest in them.

"Honestly, though, it's not the end of the world. At the risk of sounding lame, I'd even say it's the beginning." Roman mentally cringed at the words that had just left his mouth. "And when you leave this shitty small town and go live in the big city, you'll find a lot more people who are willing to accept you and love you for who you are."
 
Samuel actually did muster a chuckle this time, Romans words a little too cheesy to be taken completely seriously.
"yeah you're right, that was lame," Samuel said, daring a small smile directed at Roman "Probably the lamest thing I've ever heard"

Then he got quiet thinking about what Roman had actually said. He couldn't really imagine anyone he knew he'd even want to kiss, except maybe... His eyes wandered to Roman for a second. He didn't think Roman would want to kiss him though, especially not after Samuel acting like a fucking jerk for an entire week. But he would probably not get another chance ro kiss a guy until he, as Roman so nicely had put it, left this shitty town. And maybe he'd find that he didn't even like it, and all the worrying had been unnecessary.

As for motivations to kiss someone, it was up there as pretty bad. But now that he had allowed himself to consider it the thought of kissing Roman seemed like... Something good, maybe? He couldn't exactly describe what it was that suddenly made him want to do it.

"..I..." he hesitated as Samuel knew he would sound pretty pathetic asking, "Can I try something?"
Hopefully, it was clear what he was asking without him straight out saying 'speaking of someone, you're someone, may I kiss you', because that would be way more embarrassing than asking already was.
 
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After recovering from the shame of his cringy comment, Roman looked at Samuel, easily picking up on the boy's nerves. And his question. Though he hadn't specified what he wanted to try, Roman was not an absolute idiot, and he knew exactly what Samuel wanted to do.

He also knew that this was his first time sharing any kind of intimacy with a guy and he was nervous, very nervous. Roman, as the vastly more experienced party in this scenario, would have to be careful, and also probably take the lead.

"Sure," he murmured, licking his lips before leaning forward -- slowly, in case Samuel changed his mind -- and pressed his mouth to the other boy's.

Kissing was the most natural thing in the world to Roman and this was no exception. He didn't even need to think about what he was doing -- his green eyes slowly slid closed, and he lifted one of his long pianist's hands to cradle the side of Sam's face, his thumb brushing against his jawbone. He also tilted his head to the side ever so slightly in order to allow them both to breathe.​
 
Even though he had been the one to ask for it Samuel felt a little hesitant as Roman put his lips against his, heart beating faster more out of nervosity than anything. By the time he felt Romans hands on his face he started to get over the initial uncertainty. Roman was a great kisser, no doubt about it, and Samuel honestly found it a little comforting as it had been a long time since he had kissed a girl even.

While technically not all that different from kissing a girl, as kissing just was kissing, really, there was still something about it that felt a lot better. Maybe it was as simple as it being Romans, a guys, hands gently on his face. Or maybe it was that almost all his previous experiences had felt more like something he had been obligated to do whereas this was something he wanted.

Either way, there was no doubt that he did, in fact, like it. A lot.
 
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Roman felt Samuel react positively under his lips and he took that as encouragement as he very gently slipped his hand up the other boy's shirt, tracing the lines of muscle on his back with his fingers. His own back was just bony -- you could could his ribs with your fingers -- and so it was nice to touch someone who wasn't a complete stick figure for once.

Roman moved his hands to Samuel's waist and gripped him softly as he carefully pushed him onto his back. He hovered over the other boy, careful not to push any of his weight onto him, and continued the kiss as if they hadn't moved at all.

Kissing Samuel was pleasant. Roman was bisexual and generally had no preference for males or females but Samuel was gorgeous.

"How're you feeling?" he whispered softly as he pulled back for air, before traveling his lips down Samuel's cheek and neck and to his collarbone.​
 
Samuel didn't think he had meant for it to be something more than just a kiss, yet he still let Romans hands find their way under his shirt, let him push him down on the bed. There was still a part of him that felt a little weird about the whole thing, knowing that it was Roman, who was very much a guy, who did those things, made him feel that way. But it was not a large enough part to get him to try to stop it at this point and he continued to let things just kind of happen.

As their lips parted Samuel was just about to answer Romans question, telling him that things were fine and good but instead he had to bite down whatever sound he would have made instead as Romans lips made their way down his neck. Changing his mind from wanting to say good to amazing. He still went with what he had first intended to say, though, uttering the word "good" in a breathy whisper. Somehow even in this moment, he felt a little embarrassed to show to much excitement for something he wasn't used to.
 
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Roman gave a small chuckle at Samuel's reaction and proceeded to gently kiss, suck and bite the skin at his collarbone. He liked to give a lot of hickeys as receiving one wouldn't really end well for him, a fact he was constantly annoyed about.

Roman ran his thumb over the hickey, went back for another kiss and pulled away only to tug Samuel's shirt over his head, returning straight back to his soft lips. He then ran his hands over the other boy's chest, harbouring a little bit of envy because Roman couldn't even gain weight, much less gain muscle tone. He was lucky his face was so gorgeous -- he'd never find anyone with an average face and an almost anorexically thin body.

But he tugged his own shirt off anyway, because confidence rolled off Roman in waves. Waves he hoped reached Samuel.

He pulled away and pressed small kisses to his cheeks, neck and collarbones as his fingers played with the waistband of Samuel's jeans. He didn't know how far Samuel wanted to take this -- he didn't even know how far he wanted to take this -- but he was evidently invested.

"Do you want to stop?" he asked in a sultry whisper.
 
As shirts were removed and hands wandered further down it started to become more clear to Samuel what was about to happen, making the whole thing suddenly feel more real which in turn also made him slightly nervous again. It also made him appreciate Roman stopping to ask if it was enough, giving him a short moment to think about what he wanted.

This was the opportunity he had to stop, not that he doubted Roman wouldn't stop if he asked him to, but it was the only opportunity he'd allow himself. Due to the gaining nervosity the part of him that did feel weird about it all, got a little louder, wanting to say yes, leave and pretend he'd been drinking enough to do all of this. Still, looking at Roman, thinking about continuing being close to him, feeling his skin against his, was enough to overcome that and say what he really did want to say:
"No, not really"
 
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That was enough for Roman. "Let me know if you want to stop," he murmured, as he slowly tugged off the other male's jeans.

By the time they were done, Roman trying very hard not to hurt Samuel but it always hurt the first time, it was easily three in the morning and Roman rolled to one side of the bed, still breathing somewhat heavily as he ran his fingers through his soft, slightly damp hair.

He checked the time on his phone -- also seeing quite a few texts from his friends, inquiring where he was -- and put the device on the windowsill. The house was relatively quiet, since the party would have probably been disbanded by parents or police or a combination of both a couple of hours ago.

He looked to the side to see Samuel. He hadn't expected this to happen, not at all, but he would be lying if he said he hadn't enjoyed himself.

"You can stay here tonight," he murmured, licking his lips, where he could still taste the other boy. "Or you can come to my place if you don't want to go home. My parents will be asleep. How are you feeling?"​
 
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